Once in a generation, the universe sends us a champion of justice, a prophet of peace, a king to walk among us. Sometimes, we mortals are too ignorant to realize their wisdom, and as a result, we ignore this great cosmic gift. Other times, this hero comes to us through the big screen; sometimes, he comes to us in a hot green body. The Clog presents relevant quotes from one such hero: an ogre by the name of Shrek.
Donkey: Hey, come back there. I’m not through with you yet.
Shrek: Well, I’m through with you.
This is truly Shrek at his most savage. He knows who he is. He is done taking shit from Donkey, and he takes “you do you” to a whole new level. So the next time someone toxic refuses to leave you alone, shut them down, just as the great green master teaches us.
Midterm season? This pretty much sums it up.
Donkey: [looks at a hovel] Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That, would be my home.
Picture the scene: You just had the best date of your life. Both of you are flirting and smiling like idiots. You lean in to give them a kiss (with their consent of course), and it is amazing. You ask if they would like to come over to your place. They nod, you take their hand, and the two of you practically skip the whole way to your room in Unit 2. You make it to your door, they kiss you again as you swing the door open. You turn on the light, and then . . . they criticize your choice of poster and proceed to judge you for your messy bed. We’ve been there too, Shrek.
Shrek: Look, I’m not the one with the problem, okay? It’s the world that seems to have a problem with ME! They judge me before they even know me – that’s why I’m better off alone …
College student angst is a real problem. It is hard to find spaces where you feel wanted and appreciated. Even Shrek feels lonely sometimes. Just remember that we at the Clog will love you no matter what because we understand that you are a lot like an onion-layered.
Shrek: Get out of my swamp.
It is a wonder UC Berkeley has not adopted this as a football chant. It bears a striking resemblance to the Bear Territory cheer.
Life at UC Berkeley may seem intimidating. No matter how intimidating UC Berkeley is, if you ever feel alone, just think of everyone’s favorite ogre.
Contact Edrick Sabalburo at [email protected].