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The most legit excuses for why your relationship isn’t official yet

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OCTOBER 25, 2017

The conversation is awkward and unwelcome. You avoid it like the plague. It doesn’t help when people start assuming things. Why is it such a big deal? The number of times people have questioned your relationship status is ridiculous, so it’s time to reveal why you don’t have a hunny.

They don’t share your love of SpongeBob

For many students on campus, SpongeBob SquarePants was a huge part of their childhood. A future partner should be able to be able to recite every classic SpongeBob line and know where the “The” meme actually came from.

They refuse to change out of that one ratty shirt that they wear every day of the week

It’s like they don’t understand how fashion works or something. Everyone knows it takes time for people to pick up on UC Berkeley’s eclectic fashion, though, so hopefully you won’t need to reach out to Stacy and Clinton just yet.

They don’t know who the Babadook is

We are Baba-shook. Not only is this creature the star of one of the best horror movies in recent times (in our opinion, at least), but the Babadook has taken over as a gay icon. If your boo doesn’t know anything about good movies or pop culture, that’s a deal-breaker.

They don’t like cheese

Forget about dinner dates to Cheese Board, aka your favorite pizza place. Obviously, this is a relationship deal-breaker. It’s okay, you can marry cheese if things don’t turn out.

Their entire family went to Stanford

They will never understand the grade deflation. It’s a lost cause. Your 2.4 GPA isn’t impressive enough, and no internship at Google could save it. Might as well give up while ahead.

They love Oski a bit too much

While Oski is adored by all, the spirit for our creepy mascot only goes so far. You know it will never work out when your significant other’s phone background is Oski.

They don’t know what a meme is

Need we say more? UCBMFET is a staple to life at UC Berkeley.

Now, the next time someone pesters asks that pestering question, you won’t be lost for words. You’re single and sassy, and they can deal with it.

Contact Malvika Singhal at [email protected].

OCTOBER 25, 2017