A more realistic tour of the UC Berkeley campus

Deborah Chen/Staff

UC Berkeley has a beautiful campus, and its tours are designed to put its most impressive features on display. However, these tours simply don’t accurately reflect what the on-campus student experience is really like. How often do you actually gaze up at the Campanile or relax on the Glade? If prospective students are looking for a more practical representation of where they’ll be spending their time, they should follow this unofficial guide of destinations.

Any lecture hall with fold-out desks

UC Berkeley must have some of the shittiest collapsible desks ever designed, and any UC Berkeley hopeful deserves to know what they’ll be working with on a daily basis. Students here spend countless hours of their lives taking notes on desks that are smaller than their notebooks.

The hallways of Dwinelle Hall

Anyone who’s had a class in either of Dwinelle’s lecture halls knows that the hallways outside are perhaps the most congested of any campus building. Prospective students are encouraged to stand in the hallway and walk forward at about a half-step every few seconds to get a better idea of student life.

In line at Crossroads

This is an extremely popular destination for hungry students, and odds are, you’ll have to wait in line. To be more realistic, you should show little excitement for the food you’re about to be served while also wondering what other food you could be making for yourself if you didn’t spend all that money on a meal plan.

Any nook or cranny

The exact location depends on the individual, but this is where you’ll go to cry.

Behind a large group of slow pedestrians

Due to the amount of walking required in a city such as Berkeley, an unfortunate amount of time is also spent behind hoards of pedestrians walking at unbearably slow paces. If you see a group around you that fits this description, follow them around while pretending you urgently have somewhere to be. This will give you a good impression of how a large portion of your time will be spent.

Your happy place

If you don’t have one yet, make one up. This location will often be your only escape.

Not at office hours

Office hours are perhaps the least popular destination for the typical UC Berkeley student. During your tour, avoid dropping into any office hours and your student experience will feel extremely accurate.

While prospective students are still encouraged to check out the official campus tour, they should know that it’s not representative of the average student’s lifestyle. This tour provides a much better portrayal of where and how we spend our time.

Contact Ryan Melvin at [email protected].