Maximum meta: How to write a Clog article

Nishali Naik/Staff

Everybody loves the Clog — how can you not? The blogs of The Daily Californian are the infinitely deep wellspring of top-notch content, as integral to the Golden Bear experience as UC Berkeley Memes for Edgy Teens and a universal distrust of anything served at Crossroads’ Bear Fusion. But have you ever wondered how the writers of the Clog produce a seemingly endless supply of Shrek-themed content? Well, look no further.

Try to be interesting

Every great piece begins as an idea. In their raw, original form, most pitches are simply an attempt to be interesting. Suggestions are flung out of the midterm-soaked minds of the Daily Cal’s staff members. Many are ridiculous, but the most ridiculous prompts tend to make for the most interesting reads. Bonus points if you come up with a clickbait title.

Put off writing your pieces

Almost everything you read on the Clog was written in a the timespan of a few minutes. This is because we believe that nothing can compare in quality to the purity of thought splattered directly onto the page. There is a kind of beauty in the spontaneous production of an article that simply gets lost if we try to edit too hard. Sadly, the same cannot be said of English papers.

Have an editor tell you what you did wrong

There is a weirdly invasive quality to having someone read your writing, especially if you know that your writing is utter trash. Your editing appointment is about 20 minutes of you sitting there hoping that your editor isn’t judging you too hard. If you’re lucky, they will be gentle in telling you what you did wrong. If you are unlucky, they will laugh at you and tell you that your writing sucks (though so far as we know, this has yet to happen).

Cringe when you see your article uploaded

Word of advice: Never read your piece after it is published. All that can come of such a decision is a strong desire to dissociate yourself from your piece and change your name. “Why did I spend thirty minutes writing about memes?” We have no idea. No one asked you to in the first place.

The next time you see someone who works for the Daily Cal, be kind to them — especially if they write for the Clog.

Contact Edrick Sabalburo at [email protected].