Quiz: Which Trader Joe’s drink best describes you?

Yiran Chen/Staff

If this is your first time reading a Clog article, you’re probably unaware of the fact that we live, breathe, sleep, eat and drink all things Trader Joe’s. And, oftentimes, we wonder which of our favorite Trader Joe’s products we most resemble. While we can never get enough of good ol’ TJ’s frozen food items or delectable desserts, sometimes we forget to give its beverages the love they truly deserve. So, if you’re parched to find out which Trader Joe’s drink you’re most like, be sure to try our quiz and find out. 

  1. Which of the five basic tastes is your favorite?
    1. Umami, mami.
    2. Bitter, like me (because I live so far from the nearest Trader Joe’s).
    3. Sour, like the milk I irresponsibly forgot to throw away last week.
    4. Salty, all day every day.
    5. Sweet. Everything’s better with an extra pound or two of sugar.
  2. How much do you spend during one TJ’s trip?
    1. What’s TJ’s?
    2. Less than 20 bucks! I know how to control myself.
    3. About $50. Nothing too crazy.
    4. $100. I really like to stock up.
    5. My life savings. Send help.
  3. Snack of choice?
    1. Kale. I’m all about staying on that #healthgrind.
    2. Ice cream. You only live once.
    3. Pumpkin everything.
    4. Tortilla chips. Is that even a question?
    5. Leftover Halloween candy. I’m still thriving.
  4. It’s a cool, fall day. Where can you be found?
    1. At the gym, getting my sweat on.
    2. Chillin’ in my pajamas and fuzzy socks with a warm cup of tea.
    3. Dying in Moffitt. RIP.
    4. On the Glade. Who cares if it’s cold outside? It’s still summer to me.
    5. At the top of the Campanile, where the cool kids hang out.
  5. What’s your favorite part about Trader Joe’s?
    1. Never been.
    2. The friendly employees!
    3. Basking in the glory that is the frozen section.
    4. Browsing through the cheese aisle.
    5. Checking out the flower selection.
  6. Are you Trader Joe?
    1. Still don’t know who that is.
    2. Darn, you caught me!
    3. I wish.
    4. Nope. But my uncle is.
    5. We’re all Trader Joe.
    1. You’re a sparkling mineral water! You like to stay healthy and keep your sugar intake low, but you’re still bougie and need your daily dose of sparkling water — without being as basic as those La Croix drinkers. 
    2. You’re a nonalcoholic brewed ginger beer! You like to take it easy and relax whenever the chance presents itself. You can most often be found in class in your pajamas and slippers, and everyone else envies you for it. 
    3. You’re an organic limeade! You’re the center of attention and a magnet to drama, but sometimes you can be a little annoying about it. You tend to use acronyms like “L-O-L” and “I-D-K” in everyday speech (as well as hashtags), but that’s OK. You’re a typical California person and that’s fine by us.
    4. You’re a spiced cider! You’re a fan of all things autumn and love keeping up with the seasons. You’re the one dragging your friends out to apple orchards and pumpkin patches, and honestly, they can’t complain too much about it because you always bring on the fun.
    5. You’re an organic French roast cold brew coffee concentrate! Phew! That was quite the mouthful. You’re the person who drinks 10 cups of coffee per day but still crashes during your second lecture of the day. You’re sort of artsy — you’re often found sketching squiggles and spirals over your political science notes at Yali’s during your hourlong break in the middle of the day.


Contact Chloe Lelchuk at [email protected].