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An intellectual inquiry: Is Oski woke?

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NOVEMBER 08, 2017

UC Berkeley prides itself in being one of the wokest American institutions of higher education. “This is the birthplace of the Free Speech Movement” is a line that legally must come up in any UC Berkeley-affiliated speech or presentation. A school is only as strong as its weakest link, however, which begs the question: Is Oski woke? The Clog investigated this issue, and what follows is all the evidence that confirms this suspicion.

His eyes are literally always open

We don’t think that it’s coincidental that Oski never blinks. He quite literally sees everything. We suspect that Oski may have taken a vow of wokeness sometime in his past, mandating that he never close his eyes ever again. Taking such a vow suggests Oski’s discipline and willingness to suffer for a cause — two hallmarks of wokeness. Furthermore, his example serves as an inspiration for all of us to be a little more attentive to what is going on around us.

He dresses sophisticatedly

Admittedly, it is no secret that Oski is universally considered creepy, and his attire undoubtedly contributes to that, but his “Ivy League” wardrobe choices do project a persona of intelligence. Seeing Oski at football games is fun but a bit unsettling. Seeing Oski sitting by a fireplace, reading a bit of Nietzsche, and sipping on scotch with violins playing softly in the background? That makes a lot more sense.   

He appreciates silence

It is the mark of a true intellectual to appreciate silence. No one does it better than Oski. Though he may gesticulate wildly and flail about in excitement, he never speaks. This is the ultimate sacrifice to being woke: making space for others to voice themselves. Oski has committed to a life of selflessness and inclusivity by forfeiting his voice for the sake of others.

He is great with kids

Children have a knack for detecting crappy personalities. Oski is not one such creep.

In conclusion, we should consider ourselves lucky to have a mascot who lives up to the name of UC Berkeley. We would all be better off if we exhibited the same virtues as Oski, the truest of Golden Bears, the wokest mascot there is.   

Contact Edrick Sabalburo at [email protected].

NOVEMBER 12, 2017