It’s the most wonderful time of the year, and our very own Chancellor Carol Christ is preparing herself for the holiday season. Our new academic leading lady was simply born to celebrate Christmas, with singing holiday carols and reading Christmas books seemingly being her deepest calling. The headmistress is well-deserving of a sleigh full of gifts — the lack of public funds mishaps alone equates to no coal for Christ!

So without further ado, here’s what is undoubtedly on Chancellor Christ’s wish list this holiday season:

1. To grow a unibrow. Jealousy is not cute, Carol.
2. To become pals with Robert Reich and perhaps become seasoned in the art of UC Berkeley Memes for Edgy Teens.
3. Reputation.
4. Birkenstocks.
5. Ann Coulter moving to Cambodia.
6. The Berkeley College Republicans dissolving.
7. A squad of loyal squirrel spies.
8. Joshu-ya’s return, because don’t we all.
9. A large supply of stress balls.
10. A septum piercing.
11. A blue and gold betta fish.
12. To finally get a bid to SAE. A sorority fanny pack and cheer skirt wouldn’t hurt, either.