Why you shouldn’t even start to think about finals

Nicole White/File

Thanksgiving usually means three things: it’s socially appropriate to eat our entire body weight in mashed potatoes, we should stop wearing our flip flops to lecture and it’s time to start thinking about finals. Fortunately, only two of these three ideas are correct. We at the Clog are here to assure you that it’s still way too early to begin thinking about finals.

First and foremost, finals are over three weeks away. Three weeks is basically six years in the college dimension, especially considering that we haven’t booked our plane ticket home for Thanksgiving break — which is in two days. We once wrote an entire research paper in three days, so we’re pretty confident we could reach world peace in three weeks.

By procrastinating on our final papers, we’re able to test the limits of our superpowers. Just as how moms are sometimes able to lift cars off of their children, we too are capable of remarkable feats in times of crisis. The forced efficiency that comes with finals week is all powerful and our speed writing is truly superhuman. Get at us, Marvel.

We need a break. The sacred lull between our ninth midterm and the start of dead week is a godsend to get us through to the end of the semester. It’s the precious time during which we’re able to breathe and recover from the never-ending midterm season. This relaxation is critical to our success in the long-term. While this weird lack of school work may seem like a poor life choice, we can assure you that it’ll be worth it in the end. By not working on finals now, we’re investing in the future. You’ve got to risk it to get the biscuit.

Anyone who is seriously considering writing a final paper during Thanksgiving break should be shaken to their senses by Oski. Spending time with family is more important than spending time with textbooks. Not to mention the fact that it’s just wildly unrealistic to think we’d ever be productive at home. The deep food coma that comes with being around our mothers makes it impossible to move off the couch. Much less write a paper.

So bathe in gravy, quit wearing your flip flops in the rain and forget about studying for finals. That’s what dead week is for.

Contact Amanda Chung at [email protected].