Winter break is (thankfully) drawing near, and with it, the inevitability that we will run into those people we used to see every day but never really hung out with: our high school acquaintances. Generally, these were the people you said “hi” to, people who were invited to the same parties as you, but not the kind of people you have particularly stayed in contact with. So, how do you minimize the awkwardness that’s bound to rear its ugly head when you see them? Read on through the Clog’s comprehensive guide to find out.
Just stay home
If at all possible, don’t leave your house. The outside is evil. It’s where all the awkwardness is. Just spend the day in bed watching Netflix and sipping hot cocoa, and there’ll be zero chance of encountering acquaintances.
Yell “Go Bears” and run away
If you can’t avoid leaving the home, a surefire way to ward off any unwanted conversations is to weird out any potential parties. Yelling “Go Bears” has the dual effect of making the other person feel sufficiently freaked out and reminding them that you go to the No. 1 public university in the world.
Constantly pretend to be on your phone
Whether you’re on Sproul avoiding tablers or in a Target trying to get last-minute gifts as quickly as possible, pretending to be on your phone is guaranteed to mitigate the possibility of engaging in any social interaction. Embrace your Millennial side and glue your eyes to your screen.
Insist on only talking about UC Berkeley-related things
If you’re unable to avoid the conversation, ensure that it doesn’t last long. Ramble on about how great Birks are or how much you hate the bourgeoisie or how Oski’s eyes have that charismatic twinkle in them. If all else fails, mention that you’re a vegan now.
We sincerely hope that during this holiday season you don’t have to deal with uncomfortable high school encounters. But, after reading this far, we’re confident that you’ll be ready for any situation that comes your way. Stay awkward.
Contact Edrick Sabalburo at [email protected].