Dear 4.0 GPA,

Alright look, I’ll admit that I didn’t prepare as much as I should’ve for you. I skipped some readings, I went on midnight Top Dog runs; I didn’t take my second round of midterms seriously. But all of that aside, am I really undeserving of you? Does sitting here, writing this last-minute quasi-prayer to you instead of writing my final paper count for nothing?

I sure hope not. If you’re out there somewhere, I hope you’ll have pity on a poor college freshman like me. I’m young and naive, and I thought you would be easier to attain. I see my mistakes now. I didn’t put any effort into our relationship, and for that I’m sorry.

But are you really prepared to part ways? Remember all the fun times we had — the past 13 years. I realize now that I didn’t cherish you in high school as much as I should have, and now I face the consequences of taking you for granted. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can still spend another four years together if you find it in yourself to forgive me.

It goes both ways. I give a little, you give a little. Don’t I deserve to be forgiven once in a while? I’ve cut you some slack, so I think you should do the same for me. When I did work hard, I worked really hard, and hard work’s supposed to pay off.

Next week, I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you. I will pull all-nighters reviewing (or rather, viewing) everything from the past semester of classes. I will only take “bathroom breaks” when absolutely necessary. I will even give up spontaneous lunch dates with friends if that’s what you want. This next week is all about you. No more procrastinating. No more winging it.

So take a chance will you? Maybe we could be something special. I’ll do whatever it takes to win you back — but first, I’m gonna go to Top Dog.

Love,

A desperate UC Berkeley student who evidently peaked in high school