One of the biggest tragedies of Christmas is “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” We’re sure that many people wrestle with the struggle of hating the controversial lyrics and also loving this catchy tune that’s been sung by generations of singers. It takes a lot of willpower not to sing along, in fear of being labeled as “problematic.” We at the Clog think that it’s sad that we have to choose between being “woke” and enjoying the song, so we’ve decided to rewrite the lyrics with a little gold and blue flair. So turn on your favorite version, whether it be Dean Martin or Kurt and Blaine from “Glee,” and sing along without shame with the lyrics provided below. Happy caroling!
I really can’t stay / Baby, there’s protests outside
I’ve got to go away / Baby, there’s protests outside
Studying has been / Been hoping to see your grin
So productive / Why’d you make other plans, I thought this was nice
My roommate will start to worry / Beautiful, I guess you should hurry
My RA will be pacing the floor / Listen to the protesters roar
So really I’d better scurry / Beautiful, be careful or I’ll worry
Maybe I’ll write a half a page more / I think we’ll be working till four
It’s getting hard to think / Baby, you’re doing great I swear
Say, I need a drink / No parties to be had out there
I wish I had chow / I guess we could leave right now
What is this hell / Would you look at that, when will this protest quell?
I hear them saying no, no, no / Watch, the hoard is getting closer
At least we’re not on the wrong side / I don’t see any places to hide
Hey, let’s leave this fray / Baby yeah, let’s get out
Ah, but there’s a protest outside
We simply must go / Baby, let’s protest outside
The answer is no / Baby, we don’t have to protest outside
This protest has been / Consent is so totally in
Nothing out of the norm / Look out, we’re almost to the dorm
It’s bound to be on the news tomorrow / Think of the administration’s sorrow
This night has really been cray / I still hear a guy’s shouts
Ah, but there’s protests outside
Oh, baby, there’s protests outside
Oh, baby, there’s protests outside
Contact Sunny Sichi at [email protected].