As we all know, one of the most important days of the year has finally come: National Compliment Day. We at the Clog know how important it is to be on your top compliment game this Wednesday, so we’ve compiled a list of foolproof compliments for any lucky individual who catches your eye.

Now you can finally get your crush’s attention, passive-aggressively insult your enemy or just brighten someone’s day with any one of these compliments.

For that special someone:

1. I bet you can do wonders with that nice, big, long pencil. Can I borrow it to write you a poem?
2. Roses are red, you have a nice butt.
3. You’re so beautiful you make me want to succeed in college so I can get a stable career and be able to support you and our three children.
4. When I see your face I feel like I found an empty table at Caffe Strada with an outlet.

For that person who borrowed your pen and never returned it:

1. Your hair looks really nice today. Did you finally brush it?
2. I bet you could send way more emails than Carol Christ.
3. You’d make a really good Oski.
4. Wow! What a nice pen!

For friends:

1. You look really nice today.
2. I sincerely appreciate you as a friend and hope you succeed in everything you do in life.
3. You are so beautiful it makes me want to impersonate you and then fully take over your life.
4. Congratulations on going to class two days in a row! You’re such a hard worker!

Any one of these is bound to make someone smile, even if it’s just an innocent bystander who is lucky enough to observe your paralyzing awkwardness. Good luck out there, and don’t forget — you look great today!