An ode to one of our guiltiest pleasures, ‘The Bachelor’


Oh, dearest “Bachelor,”

Our favorite guilty pleasure.

To you we devote our Monday nights,

Always for good measure.


Yes, we know you’re trashy,

But maybe we are too.

Thirty girls battle for one guy’s heart,

Only to look like fools.


Chris Harrison is tired,

And so are we.

Arie’s kind of creepy,

And there are too many Lauren B.’s.


From extravagant one-on-ones

To always ridiculous group dates,

Drama is what we’re here for,

As we await each contestant’s fate.


Soon the Kissing Bandit will make a choice,

Who shall be the one?

Hopefully not that annoying Krystal,

Because that would ruin the fun.


But then there’s Bekah M.,

Only age twenty-two.

A fourteen-year difference between Arie and her,

Can we just say… ew?


Whomever Arie chooses,

We don’t really care.

In all honesty, it doesn’t matter;

A “Bachelor” marriage is rare.


Yet every week we wait to hear,

“Will you accept this rose?”

Why do we do it, you may ask?

That we may never know.

Chloe Lelchuk is the assistant blog editor. Contact Chloe Lelchuk at [email protected].