Clog report: An interview with your phone’s alarm clock

Amanda Ramirez/Staff

It’s midterm season, which means we, the students, have been serially abusing the snooze button every morning. The further into the semester we go, the harder and harder it is for us to wake up. The snooze button offers a little bit of solace and a misguided sense of having more time. And while the snooze button is every student’s best friend, we never consider the impact it has on our phones! We at the Clog decided to get to the bottom of this and interviewed one of our phones on what they thought about this “snooze epidemic.”

We met with the phone at a little cafe off campus. They looked tired, a little cracked and, most of all, fed up with their owner. “They literally press me 10 times every morning!” they exclaimed nearly the moment we sat down.

“How does that make you feel?” we asked, feeling as though a therapy session, not an interview, was more in order.

The phone sighed and dimmed its lights. “It just — it just makes me so tired, I guess. Like, it makes me sad that they’ve sunk to the point in their life where they have to press me 10 times before they can force themselves to get up. And this is all at 11 a.m. as well! It can’t be that hard to get up at 11 a.m.!”

The phone calmed down a bit and said they were OK to continue being interviewed. Hitting snooze will almost guarantee that you’ll have less time to get ready in the morning. This is evident on campus, with the emergence of more sweatpants, Uggs and messy ponytails as the semester progresses. “Oh yeah,” the phone said. “My owner’s looks have really gone downhill since this snooze problem started. They can’t even be bothered to match their socks anymore! And the eye bags! I have to look at those every time they open up the Snapchat app! I don’t want to see it!”

We also realize that roommates of these serial snoozers may have issues with having to hear the alarm multiple times every morning. While it may not cause a full on roommate brawl, it does create a little bit of nuisance in the morning, especially if the alarm they’ve chosen is annoying. The phone said: “I’ve definitely noticed a bit of tension in the morning between the roommates. Lots of groaning and putting pillows over their heads. Once one attempted to throw a pillow at my owner but ended up hitting me off the desk! I fully support their right to be mad, but don’t bring me into this!”

Unfortunately for our phone friend, the struggle didn’t end there. We all have a preference for alarms. Some like it loud and blaring so they’ll have no choice but to wake up, and others like a softer sound to wake up to. When we asked them about their favorite alarm sounds, it seemed to push some buttons. “Honestly, I hate them all now. I hate Radar, I hate Alarm, I hate Marimba — you name it. Once my owner even tried to use ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go’ by Wham!, which happened to be my favorite song at the time. Well, it’s safe to say that it definitely isn’t my favorite song anymore.”

Not only has the snooze button ruined GPAs, it’s also ruined favorite songs, friendships and most importantly, the respect from your phone. It was clear from our interview that this phone was ready to call it quits. “Sometimes I just won’t even turn the alarm on, just so they’re late for class. I think they missed a midterm because of me,” they said, laughing.

We were shocked, and we asked what warranted this kind of behavior. Wasn’t it the phone’s job to do as their owner says? “It’s what they deserve,” the phone said ominously.

It’s safe to conclude that hitting the snooze more than twice is clearly a crime in the eyes of the phone community. So we’d recommend maybe being a little more courteous to your phones every morning. They work hard for you every day, so do the least and spare them, and yourself, all the snoozing in the morning. And if you don’t, we might have a full-scale phone rebellion on our hands. This is Berkeley after all — anything can happen. 

Contact Sunny Sichi at [email protected].