You might be thinking that it’s the end of the world if you don’t get that one summer internship you’ve been wanting. But, we at the Clog can assure you that you won’t want to pass up these opportunities. UC Berkeley’s resource center might as well quit now, because we at the Clog have the best opportunities that you’ll want to jump on.
Be Oski’s personal assistant
If $tanfurd wasn’t jealous of you before, it sure will be now when it sees your dope position as Oski’s personal assistant. With the applicant pool limited to UC Berkeley students, $tanfurd students will be reeling in their anger and stupidity for not coming to UC Berkeley. In addition to building that close relationship with our campus hunk, being a personal assistant for the one and only Oski includes: washing his gloves by hand daily, covering his eyes at night to help him sleep and singing him the Oski Spirit Yell as his nightly lullaby. One previous personal assistant explained, “Working for Oski was the best thing I’ve done, like, ever. It even tops the time I didn’t blackout after getting iced. Plus, getting to see Oski every day is a blessing, and I’m not even religious!”
Travel (in style, of course)
Take advantage of your time off and travel. During the school year, you might have even forgotten that there’s more out there than the Campanile and Crossroads. And you might even be thinking, “But traveling is expensive, and I’m a broke college student. You all at the Clog should know that more than anyone.” But have no fear — we’ll let you in on a little secret. Although not yet widely publicized, Heelys are going to be the next trend. For just $70, get a sweet pair of Heelys (they even have a “Black Panther”-themed pair). You’ll be able to travel across the country for way cheaper by rolling around in your dope kicks than if you had splurged on an airplane ticket. All of your friends will be jealous, and how cool will your Instagram posts look with those bad boys on your feet?
Binge-watch your favorite Netflix series eight times
You might have binge-watched your favorite Netflix series for a second time, even a third time already. Now, however, capitalize on all the free time you have this summer to watch The Office another (seven) time(s). Why do something productive with your free time when you could spend every waking moment analyzing Ross and Rachel’s relationship. Don’t stop until you have all the dialogue and plot points memorized to a T. Rewatch your favorite show so much that you know the show better than the series’ writers and actors. Only a true fan would do this. You’re a true fan, right?
The Moffitt nap pods can only do so much to fix your under-eye bags. You worked so hard this year, or maybe you didn’t. Either way, you deserve some time to revel in not being a constant victim of UC Berkeley’s grade deflation and too-hilly-for-its-own-good campus. So, when May 12 hits, head home, get in bed and do literally nothing.
There you have it, Bears. Say “goodbye” to tedious summer internship and transparent resume builder and say “hello” to the best summer of your life.