Spring break canceled; decision could not be evaded

Michael Drummond/File

Approximately 48 hours ago, Chancellor Carol Christ released some controversial news: Spring break of 2018 will be canceled.

According to local sources, the school administration just did not feel it was necessary.

“I’ve been teaching at this school for 10 years,” reported one professor. “What you begin to notice over time is that students don’t actually take a break here. You’d always see these guys leaving their dorms with these massive pieces of luggage. I always wondered why anyone would pack so much clothing for one week. Turns out it was just textbooks.”

It seems that students couldn’t bear to leave their work behind during a period meant for calm, well-deserved rest. They’d leave the campus libraries only to head home and study.

“I believe they actually canceled it because they thought break was causing more nerves,” admitted one graduate student instructor. “Sure, they could bring their work with them. But they’d lose travel time and risk the effects of jetlag. It seems more reasonable to just have them stay here.”

We surveyed students to get a sense of the general feeling around campus with regard to the recent change. Below is an excerpt from an interview with a chemical engineering major.

Clog: What was your initial reaction when you heard the news?

Student: I nearly collapsed in relief. I have two midterms, a lab and several job applications to fill out the week we get back. And to be honest, it would’ve been pretty tough having to keep a low profile and dodge plans back home.

Clog: Do you feel any regret having to attend classes while students across the country are taking the week off to travel and visit friends and family?

Student: Honestly, it’s a classic grass-is-always-greener effect. Yeah, it’d have been nice to just hang out, but if I were doing anything but studying, I’d have major FOMO — I can’t miss out on the days that I have to study between now and my next exam.

Clog: Do you feel that there was anything else that could have been done in order to maintain spring break?

Student: Unfortunately, the grind doesn’t stop.

This excerpt seemed to be pretty representative of the majority response. The Clog concluded that while these pieces of news were certainly disappointing to some, the decision really was made in everyone’s best interest.

As one student noted: “You can take the kid out of Berkeley. But you can’t take Berkeley out of the kid.”

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.


Contact Shaked Salem at [email protected].