Bringing something new

Sex on Tuesday

When I first started probing my fingers down toward his taint, just between his dick and his asshole, he seemed pretty surprised.

But the way his eyes rolled backward and he sank in comfortably toward my hands told me he liked where this was going. I asked him if he wanted me to continue, and when he said yes, I proceeded with even more gusto.

His moans increased in frequency and intensity as I went on, and I knew that this would be something we would return to.

It was clear no one had ever stimulated his prostate like this before. And even though he was hesitant at first, he certainly came around to it. I had actually never done this before either, and I was pleasantly surprised to discover how much I enjoyed it, too.

I thoroughly enjoy first experiences, but not just my own being the one to provide someone with a new experience can be just as fun as being the one to receive it.

Firsts have a lot of power behind them. When something is new to you, it seems so much more exciting and significant. This experience reminded me that even though I haven’t yet had my “first time,” I can still bring something new to my partners.

A partner once told me that because we couldn’t have penetrative sex, I helped him better appreciate many other kinds of sexual experiences and discover some things he’d never tried before.

So over the past few years, I’ve steadily increased the number of things I’ve tried — and have created an ever-growing list of sex acts I’m interested in experimenting with in the future.

I value exploration, so after several more sessions of probing my partner’s prostate, I suggested that we take it even further.

I wanted to stick a finger up his ass.

He was a little reluctant at first, but we went for it. I teased him, sliding my hands down his chest towards his genitals. I reached down past his balls and stimulated his taint, the same way we had done many times before. But then I continued down, and began to gently massage my finger around his anus. Very slowly, I inched my finger inside of him.

We continued fooling around like this for a while to figure out what could make him feel good before he eventually decided that ultimately, it wasn’t really something he wanted to do again.

And that’s OK. Just because you try something new doesn’t always mean that you’ll end up liking it. Regardless of the outcome, you should applaud yourself for venturing outside your comfort zone.

My partners have opened my mind to a lot of things I hadn’t considered before too.

I’d never thought to try tasting my own sexual fluids before. I don’t tend to mess with them that much, so it never occurred to me to try putting them in my mouth. When a partner had finished thrumming his finger inside my vagina, he looked up and asked if I wanted to try “tasting myself.”

We’d talked about how he’d tasted his own jizz before, so I was intrigued to find out what he was experiencing when he went down on me. He reached his hand up and brought his finger to my lips, and I closed my mouth around the finger that was in my pussy only moments ago, suckling on it to get the full flavor. Let’s just say I’ve had another taste since then.

I’m going to be honest: My vaginismus sucks. It sucks. But in coping with this condition, I’ve tried to find the positive — and for me, that positive is experimenting with new sexual acts. I really love that I’ve been able to bring new things to my partners and that I’ve been more receptive to learning what I can do.

Yes, I look forward to my first time having traditional sex. But I also look forward to the many, many other sexual firsts that I can have and give. If I’ve learned anything over my 22 years as a virgin, it’s that there’s so much to explore out there and many firsts to have. I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to try all of these things I might not have thought of otherwise.

My forays into anal play have definitely piqued my interest. I’d love to have a partner explore my asshole similarly to how I explored someone else’s — and maybe even have that as a nice vaginal substitute someday.

I’ve learned that success in sex isn’t about always doing what people expect, but rather just having a partner who’s enthusiastic to find new things you enjoy.

So I’m always trying to stay curious — to keep learning and experiencing things with an open mind. I might not have popped my “traditional” cherry, but there are so many other cherries out there. And I look forward to popping them all.

Rebecca Martin writes the Tuesday column on sex. Contact her at [email protected] and follow her on Twitter at @beccasexontues.