With over 20 Nobel laureates from the university, UC Berkeley has always been on the cutting edge of innovative research. We at the Clog are excited to continue this pursuit of knowledge as we answer a burning question that has been at the forefront of everyone’s mind: Can an average person eat an entire Sliver pizza in a single sitting?

Anyone who has ever sat through a 6-8 p.m. class is keenly familiar with the sensation of hunger. A long day of dodged discussion questions and back-to-back lectures can certainly work up quite the appetite. Our famine knows no bounds as we make a beeline for our tried-and-true Sliver the moment we set foot outside of Pimentel. On our way to Southside, we’re confident that we can eat an entire pizza (possibly even three) all by ourselves. The sight of other delicious pies on tables reaffirms our belief that our stomachs are capable of achieving the unthinkable. 

But as we step up to the counter to order, we’re hit with the sensible realization that our eyes may be bigger than our plates. It’s with a somber heart that we chicken out and order the usual half pizza to go. We take time to reflect on our decision as we fill up precisely 13 cardboard cups with green sauce.

So what would it take for us to eat an entire pizza?

The Clog nutritionists have been able to confirm that the made-up amount of 225 calories per slice of Sliver is possibly correct. A quick calculation by our applied math major roommate has confirmed that an entire pizza would come out to approximately 1,800 calories (excluding the Slivers). This is almost how many calories someone is supposed to eat in an entire day. While that may seem like too much for a single sitting, it’s important to keep in mind that it’s only 1/365th of what we’re supposed to eat all year. When you think of it as 0.27%, that’s really not very much. For perspective, the blue whale can eat just under half a million calories in a single mouthful. Our measly Sliver calories are like two almonds in comparison.

The depreciation curve of pizza is yet another reason to go for the glory. Cold pizza for breakfast is the ninth wonder of the world. What’s the eighth, you ask? Piping hot pizza fresh out of the oven. A slice is at its peak when the cheese is gooey and the crust is perfectly toasted in the first 10 minutes post-baking. This small window of optimal opportunity means that saving any pizza for later is a huge downgrade in consumption. Step aside, George W. Bush. There’s a new program in town. It’s called “No Slice Left Behind,” and we’re here to see it through to completion.

After all, any pizza is a personal pizza if you’re determined enough.