Following in the footsteps of those who came before me, I will proceed to break down the epic romantic love story at the center of “Gilmore Girls.” No, I am not talking about Rory and Jess. It isn’t Luke and Lorelai either (though they are the only other pairing that comes close to dethroning the two lovebirds I am talking about).
The greatest romantic love story of “Gilmore Girls” is, of course, between Rory Gilmore and Paris Geller.
“But Danielle,” you exclaim in disbelief, “they’re both totally straight? Women can love each other without, y’know, loving each other! Female friendships are important!” To which I would respond, “Look up compulsive heterosexuality, and I agree, but women can love each other and be good friends and still, y’know, love each other.” But don’t take my word for it, let’s simply turn to the source material.
In the fourth episode of the series and the third episode Paris appears in, she stalks up to Rory and quotes the first half of Shakespeare’s “Sonnet 116” (a notoriously not heterosexual piece of poetry). Paris does not go so far as to quote the line about “rosy lips and cheeks”; she stops just short of that line. The scene is framed as rivalry, with Paris doing this to intimidate Rory not because she has a massive crush on her. Will this subconscious affection continue once the two are friends? (Hint: The answer is yes).
We turn next to the infamous spring break episode. Spring break is objectively THE week for pre-summer flings. It offers all the promise of a proper summer romance combined with the shortened time period heightening the sense of urgency, and any affection reaches “Romeo and Juliet” levels of infatuation.
Cue Paris and Rory’s spring break, which they spend the entirety of together. They go to a video store and buy snacks and rent a movie (aka the quintessential lesbian first date), which they proceed to watch in their hotel room — Paris outfitted in a very butch polo and Rory sporting a dazzling femme sundress. They consider going outside and interacting with people for all of 60 seconds before they retreat back to their hotel room date.
Then, the writers of this show have the audacity to have Paris kiss Rory. Oh sure, it’s played off as “let’s do it to get guys attracted to us.” To which I respond, one, compulsive heterosexuality and two, Paris immediately asks Rory for feedback on her kissing technique, which everyone knows is classic gay behavior.
And then, as if the episode could get any worse, Rory and Paris conclude their spring break soiree alone. On the beach. Sharing an intimate conversation. And then deciding to go home early because they feel like they’ve had the full experience. Not to get too personal, but Amy Sherman-Palladino literally plagiarized this scene from my own life.
In conclusion, I can say with full authority, as a lesbian, that watching “Gilmore Girls” and coming away with the conviction that Paris and Rory should have been endgame is the only correct interpretation of this text.
Contact Danielle Hilborn at [email protected].