Summertime can only be summertime with pools and floaties. We at the Clog want to know: Which animal is your true spirit floaty? Take this quick quiz to find out!
You’re home for the summer! Your dear mother asks you to do the laundry for her. Do you:
Trick your dad into doing it for youDo it like a good child
Say you’re going out for a bit and that you’ll do it later, but high-tail it back to Berkeley
Dump it out the window
Accidentally mix the reds and the whites
Purposely bleach all the clothes so you can live out your Mr. Clean fantasies
Do it but whine and complain the entire time
Time for drinks! Your go-to is:
Some elaborate cocktail
Capri Sun fruit punch
What seems most appealing?
The ocean filled with fish pee
A community swimming pool
A dirty puddle
The plastic swimming pools that always break on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
You and a bro sitting in a hot tub 5 feet away from each other
A 2-foot-wide creek that runs through the forest
If you could dye your hair any color(s), it would be:
Silver, like a fox
A pastel rainbow
An actual rainbow
Strips of ill-placed blond highlights
What is your least favorite part of the beach?
Seeing a jellyfish in the water
Seaweed brushing up against your feet while in the waves
Stepping on twigs, branches and crusty potato chips sticking out of the sand
Random pickup trucks barreling down the beach
The 5 trillion pieces of trash that people leave behind coupled with acidification and eutrophication, slowly leading to the decline of the entire aquatic ecosystem and then mankind
What is your favorite part of the beach?
The soothing waters of the Pacific Ocean
The beautiful juxtaposition of the cool water and the hot sun
Rest and relaxation
Your (nonexistent) sibling just sold your most prized possession on Craigslist. What was it?
A photo of you dumping red Gatorade on someone’s test while flashing a thumbs-up
A teddy bear nanny cam
A neon wig collection
Your first losing lottery ticket
A bottle of strawberry-scented bubbles
Your framed first dollar earned, like Mr. Krabs
A raccoon hat
What’s your favorite conspiracy theory?
Um, I don’t do conspiracy theories
The Illuminati are everywhere
The Roswell incident
The deep state
Your friend wants you to try on a pair of high heels for them. You say:
“Sure,” and then proceed to walk away with them
“I can barely walk with my bare feet. Heels? Don’t think so!”
“Strap me the fuck in!”
“No thanks, Tom Hanks”
“Only if you hold my hand, baby”
“Do it yourself!”
Nothing, and just stare
You came into this world through your mama. How do you want to go out?
Black-market Pokemon card deal gone wrong
In your sleep after a long night of studying
Drowning in a vat of fondue at a masquerade party
Taken out by your pet robot in 40 years
Riding a nuclear bomb down to Earth, whipping your cowboy hat around like the rodeo master you are
Wiping out after doing a sick shred on the edge of a drained swimming pool
Like Thelma and Louise
You’re a ssssssnake floaty! You’re a shady dude with a shady mood. You deserve a sneaky inflatable green creature to hopefully keep you afloat in your aquatic endeavors.
You’re a duck floaty! You’re trusty, reliable, predictable — you’re also a basic bitch. Sorry.
You’re a giraffe floaty! Your extraness can only be embodied by a long, elegant, inflatable neck with your legs wrapped around it as you gently traverse the waters of the deep end. You may get those spots mistaken for those of a brown cow.
You’re a beetle floaty! You’re part spooky and part harmless, like a ladybug. Sometimes they pee on you.
You’re a Clydesdale horse floaty! You’re the machoest macho man, you’re everyone’s trusty steed for the most part, and you definitely enjoy a little showboating every now and then (maybe).
You’re a hippopotamus floaty! You may be lazy, but you do it in the most extravagant ways. Way to go, hon.
You’re a unicorn floaty! You’re a rare gem to find, boo. Just the right mix of uncertainty, childhood dreams and glitter (whether or not you hate it). What a magical being.