Reality TV shows — you love them, you hate them, you love to hate them. Yeah, there are some really, really shitty ones, but there are also those shitty ones that you like watching anyway. Of course, with bad reality TV comes good, too. We at the Clog have done a convenient power ranking of what we believe are the trashiest and the flashiest reality TV shows.
12. “Jersey Shore” (or any of its spinoffs)
Wow, this series takes the cake for worst reality TV show. Hair gel, suntans, sex and booze could not have been put together in a worse combination. This is what happens when you put a bunch of Italian American stereotypes together in one house. Don’t even get us started on “Floribama Shore.” What the actual fuck.
11. “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”
Ah, yes, the gold-plated toilet of reality TV. KUWTK has been around for ages and ages, and no, it has not improved in quality whatsoever. It’s a show about a bunch of rich kids screwing with their money and their lives while making you feel questionably about your own life. Let’s not forget about the short-lived “Life of Kylie” either, shall we? The one good part is Kourtney always roasting Kim.
10. “Big Brother”
A bunch of drama-prone people living in a house with no contact with the outside world is already bad news. With half a million dollars on the line? Bad gets worse. It’s like a really nasty car accident that you want to look away from, but you just can’t (and it even evokes the same “what the hell just happened?” feelings). It’s basically “Total Drama Island,” the parody show for kids, but real-life and not as good.
9. “Bad Girls Club”
Though the idea of rowdy women getting into fistfights regularly does have its strange appeal, that’s really all it has. There’s no substance whatsoever, just unruly women with behavioral issues (aka acting like a 7-year-old unleashing hell after their mom didn’t buy them animal crackers from the store) and who all claim to be the “baddest.” Don’t worry, honeys, you’re all bad, and there’s plenty to go around.
8. “The Bachelor”/”Bachelorette”
Why would 20-something 20-something-year-old women and men vie for the love of a random-ass dude/dudette, you ask? Fame, more fame and maybe one or two delusional ones seeking love. Yes, it’s a lot of people’s guilty pleasure, and that’s because the show is mostly procedurally sound. Except for Corinne and DeMario’s epic “incident,” which we will always gladly associate with this Godforsaken series.
7. Any “Real Housewives”
This explains itself — rich housewives struggling through life. The women in this show value nothing more than their looks and clothing (yes, we left out children on purpose) and try so hard to relive their glory days. Of course, everything is scripted and Botoxed the shit out of. We have to ask ourselves, with a show this fake, is it even reality TV anymore?
6. “Toddlers and Tiaras”
OK yes, this show probably shouldn’t be that high up on this list, but come on, it’s not that bad. Who doesn’t love little kids and their moms throwing tantrums? We sure do. Yes, it is problematic to make kids do pageants, but we might as well watch, right? And well, there’s more shit that goes down among the moms than among the kids. It’s hilarious.
“Hoarders” gets real, real fast. Though the idea of the show can throw people off as boring or gross, there is absolutely no shortage of drama. The disorder causes people to fill their houses with everything from old mattresses to flip-flops, sometimes unable to part with even the smallest possession. The transformations from beyond-messy houses (if you can call them those) to once-again liveable places sans vermin and random things stacked to the ceilings are unbelievable.
4. “America’s Got Talent”
The title of this show isn’t lying. The contestants are magical beings, the judges are charismatic AF (not to mention the celebrity guest judge each episode), the jaws are dropped and the emotions are running wild. We can’t stop gushing about how damn talented the contestants are (huge shoutout to you, Angelica Hale) and all the hardships so many have gone through to be where they are today. If it were up to us, we’d push the “golden buzzer” the entire damn show!
3. “Face Off”
Prepare to have your eyeballs razzled and your mind dazzled. “Face Off” is all about special effects makeup with a particular theme each episode. The camera chronicles how each artist makes their prosthetics, paints their models and competes to win the best look while not getting eliminated and wow, the end results are drool-worthy. The amount of work and detail that goes into each look is enough to make you quake in your boots. Also, Ve Neill.
2. “Shark Tank”
When you think of a reality TV show, this one doesn’t usually come to mind. But hot damn is it good. “Shark Tank” is the gold standard of reality TV, introducing the viewer to some bomb-ass business models and sales. The beauty of the show is how it makes you feel like you’re also evaluating the invention along with the sharks. Of course, there’s also that feeling in the pit of your stomach as you root for a seller, and the unrivaled savagery of “Mr. Wonderful” himself, Kevin O’Leary.
1. “RuPaul’s Drag Race”
Maybe we’re just biased, but this is shit is fucking great. Queens who are multitalented (we’re talking makeup, fashion, comedy, acting and lip-syncing) try to outdo each other in challenges involving musicals, live-action shows, look-serving and more. There is no end to the amount of tea spilled each episode, all the way up until “America’s next drag superstar” is crowned. It’s also a great introduction to the LGBTQ+ community and the rest of drag (because it’s not just thin, white femme queens). Watch this show and the all-stars edition ASAP because it’s what? SICKENING.
These rankings are about as good and bad as reality TV gets. Whichever show you decide to watch, whether it’s the spectacular reality TV you deserve or the trash that we watch despite what’s good for us, enjoy yourself and the people who put their lives on display for us to eat up!