Today is National Stay Out of the Sun Day, the day when we find all sorts of ways to hide away from the outside world. This is especially important in the summer, when everyone gets unnaturally tanned from the seasonal horror that has finally come out from behind the clouds. Here are all the ways to do your best vampire impression.
Stay on the 51B
Don’t get off the bus — follow along with the full trail from Downtown Berkeley to Oakland. It’s like a tour of the area; just be sure to grab a window seat so you can sightsee until you inevitably get kicked off at the end of the bus route, but make sure to sit in spots where the sun won’t hit you directly.
Use an umbrella
We swear this won’t be totally absurd and won’t get you stared at. While this might not help people with those clear, bubble umbrellas, normal umbrellas will technically keep you out of the sun, at least to some extent. Remember to bring one for when you get kicked off the bus.
Stay in Moffitt
Pretend that it’s dead week and that you live your life in a library, with the slight difference that you might actually be able to find a seat. Obviously, you’ll end up spending the entire time browsing Facebook, but what else were you going to do? And even better, it will be possible to stay until 9 p.m.!
Don’t go outside
Do your best impression of a couch potato while you avoid that blazing ball of hatred in the sky. You can even take it to the extreme by not even getting out of bed: Hide under the covers, keep the curtains drawn and live by the light of your phone. We’ve all had to do that at some point anyway, right?
Layer, layer, layer
Show off your Cal spirit and just keep putting on UC Berkeley sweaters. About 40 of them will do. Wearing layers isn’t just for winter days; it’s also important to arbitrarily protect yourself from sunlight. And for extra protection, make sure to wear a Cal hat (or six) on top of the sweaters!
Hide in the recycle bins
It’s insulting to call a person “trash.” However, as UC Berkeley students, we go green: We are all recyclable. So hide in the nearest recycle bin — it’s nice and dark, and you can just pray that all the cups have been washed out before they were thrown in.
Let’s face it: Do we even get sunlight in Berkeley?
Contact Jonathan Lai at [email protected] .