It’s the Fourth of July, and that means it’s time to channel your inner Peter Griffin and make some shit explode (fingers hopefully not included)! We at the Clog have compiled a thorough guide on how to make your own various kinds of fireworks, complete with exciting names for each! Now, they may not be professional-grade, but can you tell the difference? Probably not.
1. Steel wool surprise
Take steel wool and wrap a metal cord around it. Then slip on those fancy insulated gloves, set it off, and spin it like a lasso while simultaneously setting your backyard on fire. At least the sparks look pretty.
2. Puppy poo extravaganza
This one is as simple as can be! Sprinkle glitter on your dog’s doo-doo, light it on fire, and watch that baby go. It really goes. Works with whatever you find in your kitty litter, too. Wow!
Mix just the right amount of potassium nitrate, charcoal, sulfur and black powder with just a smidge of radioactive material to give it that extra bang (we prefer uranium-235 for a dazzling display). Put it in a paper tube and then attach and light a visco fuse. It’s a tried-and-true Clog secret! We can’t tell you the exact measurements because it’s our great grandmother’s secret formula, so don’t be afraid to wing it!
4. Pipe cleaner magic
Glue some sparkly pipe cleaners together, and yay, you have fireworks. Stick them to your wall with some tape.
5. Paper paint spectacular
If you’re feeling those creative juices flowing, put them on paper. Get a piece of black paper, draw on fireworks with paint, and hang it up outside against the darkening sky on the Fourth of July. Then gather all your closest friends, family, neighbors and strangers in the street, and let the show begin.
When all else fails, just give up and buy from Chinatown (America does get most of its fireworks from China — in fact, $1 billion worth). No one will care, anyway. They’ll be busy watching the shiny things in the sky.
Fireworks are illegal in the city of Berkeley, but don’t let that stop you. Let your freaky American flag fly! The Clog won’t tell anyone, we promise.
Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected] .