Before we start this week’s episode, let us take a moment of silence for Jordan’s elimination last week. May he shill out FabFitFun boxes on Instagram in peace.
This week, Becca and the guys go to Richmond, Virginia, the city version of a Michaels craft store. Chris Harrison, needing to fulfill his hosting contract, sits down with Becca to check in with her. She admits to seeing babies everywhere and perusing wedding magazines, like 99 percent of Pinterest users. Harrison reminds her that this is where her journey is going. As we know, successful relationships are definitely the endgame of this show, and not becoming a full-time “social media influencer.”
The guys settle in the hotel of the week. Somehow, Chris and Lincoln start fighting over vague blink-and-you-miss-what-they’re-fighting-about drama. Something about body-shaming? They do that thing where they sit next to each other on the couch and make snappy remarks but refuse to make eye contact, like a bickering couple at a dinner party. Meanwhile, everyone else wonders if they should follow Clay’s footsteps and leave this shitshow.
For the one-on-one, Becca and Jason go explore Richmond. They keep yelling out “Virginia is for Lovers,” which is apparently a thing. They go visit historical sites and randomly decorate a heart donut with no context. Becca tells the camera they started off on a slow start but that that’s been what they needed, conveniently forgiving herself for forgetting Jason’s name on that one group date.
At a bar, Becca brings out a group of Jason’s friends to surprise him. Jason is so happy to interact with people who aren’t male models and don’t know what a rose ceremony is that he tears up. The couple leaves for “dinner,” where Jason has a Vulnerable Date Moment™ about his grandma having Alzheimer’s and about realizing he can’t take any minute for granted. Becca has her own Vulnerable Date Moment™, one that’s finally not about Arie Luyendyk Jr., and she talks about losing her dad at 19. She then gives Jason the date rose that he had to pretend he didn’t stare at throughout the whole conversation.
Back at the house, the guys talk about Chris and last week’s drama while Chris pensively gazes out of multiple windows and balconies.
Colton, Garrett, Wills, Connor, Blake, Lincoln and Chris go on the group date and meet Becca, who brings out George Washington and Abraham Lincoln impersonators. Everyone casually does not mention slavery.
The guys compete in a debate for Becca’s hand in a horribly themed group date that only redeems itself with its title, “Beccalection 2018.” The debate draws a bigger crowd than our current president’s inauguration. And for some inexplicable reason, the governor of Virginia is there? Apparently, America’s politicians have nothing better to do than facilitate Becca in her journey to love. Why bother trying to change the current political climate when there’s a pretty white woman in need of romance?
The debate slightly resembles the question-and-answer portion of a beauty pageant, this time turning the table and asking the men sexist questions such as “What is your ideal date?” The terrible excuse of a group date devolves into a Chris-and-Lincoln mudslinging fest. No one bothers pretending to be happy when they go to the after-party.
Lincoln continues to overexaggerate his fears of Chris to Becca, and Chris continues to play the victim while attacking everyone else for trying to mitigate the situation. Becca leaves the party for a bit to take a moment to herself, probably wondering if she should’ve just gone on “Bachelor in Paradise” instead.
Becca comes back, and there’s the obligatory footage of her interacting with her actual front-runners. Garrett reads her his closing remarks for the debate, which sound suspiciously like wedding vows. Wills has “decided to have emotions” and confesses he’s falling in love with her. Colton hugs her next to a window and gets the date rose.
Surprisingly, Leo with the luscious locks gets the one-on-one even after getting minimal screen time this season. Becca and Leo explore Virginia from the sky and spot many large, historical estates that were totally not plantation houses at one point in time.
Becca feels emotionally drained from the night before; she unloads on Leo. Despite his high-maintenance hair, he proves to be a low-maintenance guy, telling Becca he’s there for her and that he understands if she wants to cancel the activities. Becca feels a little bit better, and the two go romantic oyster-shucking. Then they romantically eat oysters they just picked from the ground and then kiss. Romance!
At dinner, Leo has his own Vulnerable Date Moment™ by telling Becca how he feels he failed his father by never becoming a professional baseball player — though Waterworld stuntman is a pretty cool backup job — and how he is too hard on himself. Becca gives him a rose, and they dance to Morgan Evans, whom Leo (thankfully) doesn’t try to pretend to know.
Later in the night, Chris is back at being angsty — this time, he’s pensively writing in his journal. He is so upset when Leo comes back with a rose that he leaves the hotel, which is probably just a well-done edit, but it’s fun to reinforce the idea that Chris is enormously petty. It doesn’t help that he insults Lincoln in his interview by angrily talking about how Lincoln eats 12 eggs a day and how his cholesterol must be 6,000 milligrams per deciliter.
Chris goes to see Becca and tries to talk about this week’s drama in the classic Chris style of apologizing but not admitting he did anything wrong. Becca is not having it, probably because even during his apology, Chris always looks like he’s about to smirk. She sends him home, which makes him so angry that he saltily turns down her offer to walk him out. Becca still walks him out anyway like the damn queen she is.
Given all of the drama of the week, it’s no surprise that Becca decides to cancel the cocktail party. She cuts Lincoln and Connor, a man who had so little screen time that we had to read his name in the bottom left corner and be like, “Ah.”
The gang is finally, finally going to the Bahamas, and the guys can genuinely be excited for next week. No more forced smiles as they land in the most random cities the U.S.A. has to offer!