Clog report: UC Berkeley freshman decides to go vegan

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Earlier this week, it was reported that freshman Jan Gold has decided to go vegan and only eat food grown on a small farm in central California. She had been thinking of going vegan ever since she ate the best $20 avocado toast in her life this past summer, but being in Berkeley almost changed her mind.

“I saw some naked people wrapped up in plastic and covered in fake blood on Bancroft the other day, and that kind of scared me. I thought veganism was supposed to be about cute tie-dyed shirts and trips to Whole Foods!” she said.

Despite almost changing her mind about going vegan, Gold explained how a weekend visit to a small farm outside Sacramento changed her mind. She and some new friends decided to rent a car and drive out to the middle of nowhere for a much-needed getaway from a hard week of work.

“We decided to go out and visit a farm to soak in the natural vibes, you know? We found a super cute farm to take pictures at, and standing in grass with no shoes to take some really cute Insta pics made me realize that going vegan was the way to go. I’m hoping to not just make this lifestyle change, but also change my theme on Instagram to plants and pictures of myself with my eyes closed. My social media needs to reflect my inner soul, you know?” 

In a shocking turn of events, Gold also decided that she’s thinking about giving up normal water, and would now be substituting it with young coconut water.

“I already gave up fish, so I decided to give up H2O as well. Have you seen a diagram of the water cycle? It literally goes up from the polluted ocean into the polluted air and comes back down. That’s a no from me.”

We talked to Gold’s professor about his student’s possible diet change. Marine biology professor Bob Bear has spent the past 30 years studying the water system, often while living on a boat in the Caribbean Sea.

“Um, I don’t think giving up water is a good idea. But I do believe that going vegan can have some positive impacts. The meat industry is a big polluter, and the conditions the animals are raised in aren’t healthy for the animal or humans,” he said. Almost immediately after this, he left to find Gold to discuss the benefits of going vegan, and keeping water in her diet.  

“I guess I can keep drinking water,” Gold said to us a few hours later. “And I realize now how going vegan isn’t just a lifestyle change — it’s also making a change for the planet.”

While Gold now realizes the complexities of vegan issues, she has also informed us that she is now planning on starting a vegan blog, where she hopes to make some positive changes on social media.

Contact Sunny Sichi at [email protected].