Clog Report: Student turns in blank midterm early to mess with classmates

Manooshree Patel/File

A student was reported to have turned in a completely blank midterm early last week, much to the confusion of their professor and GSIs and to the utter horror of the rest of the class.

The student, whose name has been redacted in the interest of personal safety, revealed they turned the exam in early because they wanted to mess with other students.

“Everyone knew going in that it was going to be a hard test. It really was,” said the student, who sources confirmed was essentially the devil incarnate. “So obviously I wanted to shatter all expectations and all my classmates’ hopes and dreams,” they added with an evil gleam in their eye.

The student reported that they had pretended to scribble on their test paper for the first half-hour of the examination time before confidently getting up and turning the midterm in with the loud declaration that it was, “a bit too easy.”

“Maybe my immediate neighbors will know I didn’t actually write anything,” the student said. “But the other few hundred students will be absolutely shook,” they remarked pridefully.

The student declined to comment when asked about how their actions might negatively impact their grades. Although, they did confirm that they were very seriously considering doing it again for the final.

“It would be worth it,” the student said. “The reactions were absolute gold, and I wouldn’t have to study!”

Experts speculate that the student had P/NP’d the class. Though, whether or not the student will be able to reach the C-minus minimum is still under debate.

The instructors confirmed that the class was a difficult weeder course and that it was impossible for a student to turn in the exam that early and achieve a reasonable failing score on it. Anonymous sources claim that a good grade was thought to be impossible, even for students who had both seriously studied and spent the entire allotted exam time.

“If nothing else,” said the student. “At least I’m helping the curve.”

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Jonathan Lai at [email protected].