Procrastination station: Which Shakespeare plays do you need in your life?

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“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.”
-As You Like It, Act II.vii.142-143.

William Shakespeare lived in a time of massive political drama and intrigue, both of which came across in his plays. The guy was basically BBC, “SNL,” Jon Stewart, “Horrible Histories” and Netflix all rolled into one. From his tragedies to his romances, Billy Shakes was all about the drama. Since we could all use a little extra spice in our lives, we at the Clog invite you to take this quiz to find out which two Shakespeare plays you could most use in your life right now.

  1. You’re the hero of this story. What does that look like?
    1. Complete chaos. In a fun way, though.
    2. There’s a lot of running away and hiding, but it could be worse.
    3. I don’t take anyone’s crap, and my tongue is as sharp as my sword.
    4. Fate is out to get me, but I’ve got it handled.
    5. Not that great, honestly. I can’t trust anyone around me.
    6. Things start out looking pretty good. What could possibly go wrong?
  2. On a scale of one to 10, with one being really bad, how well do you handle being betrayed?
    1. Between creating potions and screwing with people’s lives… probably about a six?
    2. What if I’m the one who accidentally did the betraying?
    3. Like a four. Somewhere around mistaken identity and leaving someone at the altar.
    4. A two. There’s no such thing as second chances.
    5. Negative three. Let’s be real, you’re probably dead at this point or dying.
    6. Definitely a one. Somebody’s gonna die.
  3. How likely are you to run away to the woods to avoid your problems?
    1. About as likely as I am to be shipwrecked on a supposedly deserted island.
    2. Listen, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.
    3. The problems I have can’t be solved by running away… unfortunately.
    4. Why run away from your problems when you can master them?
    5. Not very likely, even if it’s a better idea than what I actually do.
    6. If, by “run away,” you mean become a social outcast, then extremely likely.
  4. Do you believe in the supernatural?
    1. Yes. The spirit haunting me agrees.
    2. I believe in the concept of things bigger than myself.
    3. Does Cupid count? That bastard…
    4. It’s all about horoscopes and fortune-telling. Whatever tells me what to do with my life and gives me validation.
    5. I know I saw a ghost last night.
    6. My luck has gone so wrong it’s hard not to believe in some sort of malevolent spirits.
  5. Help, you’re being oppressed by a tyrant! What do you do?
    1. Sometimes these things are literally out of your hands. I have hooves now.
    2. When in doubt, assume another identity and run away.
    3. I can embrace it and face it head-on.
    4. What if… I’m the tyrant? #checkandmate
    5. Let’s just say I have a little plan for them.
    6. I’m more likely to be manipulated from the ground up.
  6. Uh-oh, despite your best efforts, you’re in love. What happens now?
    1. There’s no escaping fate. It’s up to the gods now.
    2. I’m not afraid of a little challenge. I’ll cozy up to my crush and see what happens.
    3. I can’t believe I fell in love! Guess it’s time to get married.
    4. We were destined to be a power couple. It’s only a matter of time.
    5. Love just makes things unnecessarily complicated. Who has the time?
    6. No love I’ve had thus far has gone well. This is gonna end pretty badly.
  7. How good are you at taking someone’s advice?
    1. Sometimes I have to be taught a lesson before I’m willing to listen to anyone.
    2. I’m usually the advice-giver in my relationships, tbh.
    3. Sometimes my friends have to use reverse psychology on me to get me to do anything.
    4. Let’s just say I’m a bit of a teacher’s pet. I’ll do whatever they tell me to do.
    5. I can use all the advice I can get (so long as it doesn’t go against what I want).
    6. Nobody’s going to tell me what to do!
    1. You got “The Tempest” and “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.” What you need right now is a little magical realism in your life. There’s nothing wrong with a little fantasy. Things tend to work out in the end (so long as you don’t look too closely). There may not be a whole lot of agency in a world where fairies and gods run wild, but there sure is a lot of chaotic shipwrecking.
    2. You got “As You Like It” and “The Winter’s Tale,” two of the more underrated romances in Shakespeare’s canon! “As You Like It” focuses on the relationship between two women who escape the tyranny of one of their fathers by pretending to be an old married couple in the woods. In “The Winters Tale,” a merry trio involving a king and queen and their best bud gets complicated when the king suddenly decides that said bud must have gotten his wife pregnant.
    3. You got “Much Ado about Nothing” and “Twelfth Night,” the ultimate rom-coms! Beatrice and Viola are two of the most badass women in Shakespeare, and their love interests aren’t half bad. There’s nothing like a little comedy of errors to keep your mind off the way the world is right now. “Twelfth Night” is comedy gold. Go read or watch these plays now!
    4. You got “Macbeth” and “Richard III,” which is a whole October #mood, if we’re being honest with ourselves. They’ve got it all — witches, prophecies, political intrigue and lots of murder. Between the play that gave us the iconic “bubble, bubble, toil and trouble” and a play that centers on a tyrant slowly murdering everyone in his family, you’re sure to get your spooky fix.
    5. You got “Hamlet” and “The Merchant of Venice”! If revenge is your game, you’re going to be happy with both of these tales. With our Hamlet in one corner and the dangerously devious Shylock in the other, both plays involve a lot of self-righteous angst. There may not be happy endings involved, but there are a lot of badass speeches and lots of drama. Both narratives show the danger of allowing revenge to take over your whole life.
    6. You got “King Lear” and “Othello.” These ones are gonna hurt. “King Lear” starts out with Lear making his three daughters fight over who loves him the most. (Hint: This doesn’t end well.) Meanwhile, in “Othello,” an iconic Shakespeare protagonist is undermined by his conniving, jealous servant, Iago. Both tales give warnings about listening to the wrong people in your life and not listening to the people who actually care about you. But don’t take our word for it, go watch or read them now!

Contact Lauren West at [email protected].