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Why UC Berkeley will always be better than UCLA

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OCTOBER 18, 2018

There’s been a lot of talk recently, mostly from UCLA students and misguided college ranking sites, about how UCLA is (allegedly) the No. 1 public university in the country. Yes, it was ranked No. 1 in the U.S. News & World Report rankings, and UCLA did beat us in football this past Saturday. But it’s important to note that a key reason UCLA was ranked above us is because of the decrease in federal funding for research going into UC Berkeley, which is out of the school’s control. So UCLA students, nothing’s really changed. Stop making “No. 1 public university” your captions on Instagram. It’s embarrassing and delusional. And in regard to football… well, everyone knows Cal football is inconsistent and disappointing, so we have no excuse for that one. It’s safe to say that there are a million reasons why UC Berkeley is better than UCLA, but we at the Clog have compiled a list of a few of our favorites for your perusing.

UC Berkeley literally came first

Face it, Bruins — without us, you’d be nothing. There’s a reason we get to say our mascot is a Bear while yours is a Bruin (aka a more archaic word for bear). Initially, your mascot was actually a cub! Personally, we think that’s kind of lame.

UC Berkeley has way more Nobel laureates

UC Berkeley happens to have more than 20 while UCLA only has 7. Why? Because we’re just that much better. Good luck catching up, guys!

The Daily Bruin doesn’t have an equivalent to the Daily Cal’s Clog

Yes, the Daily Bruin has blogs, but nothing as fun as the Clog! We think we’re a pretty sweet department, so it’s a shame that the Daily Bruin doesn’t have a blog for student life. 

Cal’s swim team is way better than UCLA’s

Did anyone watch the 2016 Olympics? Did you notice how many Cal swimmers were there? Probably. Did you notice how many UCLA swimmers were there? Probably not. Overall, we sent 16 Olympians to Rio in 2016, while UCLA sent 15, so if you think UCLA is more athletic than Cal because of one sham football game, think again. 

The Bay Area has way more to offer than Los Angeles

I’m allowed to say this because I grew up in LA, got into UCLA and UC Berkeley, and picked UC Berkeley. Why? Well, one of the reasons was because I wanted to get out of LA. Don’t get me wrong — LA weather and beaches are massive perks, but there’s only so much traffic and so many trend-obsessed people a person can handle for 18 years. It takes way too long to get anywhere, and the other cool cities in SoCal are a few hours away. But Berkeley? It’s right next to San Francisco, Oakland and so many other incredible cities, which are all super accessible by public transportation (yeah, we don’t need to own a car to go far).

UCLA stole our fight song

UCLA Bruins are really proud of their fight song, but let’s not forget where it originated. That’s right — here, on our rugged eastern foothills. The Golden Bear is ever-watching, so Bruins, better watch your backs next time you sing your little song. 

Our meme page is way better

At the time of this article, UCLA Memes for Sick AF Tweens (what kind of name is that anyways) has 59,472 members, while UC Berkeley Memes for Edgy Teens has 184,383! In this new age of absurd, self-deprecating millennial and Gen Z humor, UC Berkeley clearly has UCLA (and every other university) beat. Obviously, all the LA sun its students are getting is ruining their sense of meme humor. No one does self-deprecating better than UC Berkeley students.

Our notoriety

Everyone likes a baddie, and UC Berkeley is the bad boy of the UCs. UCLA is more like our basic cousin, and no one really cares about them. Middle-class suburban parents are scared to send their kids here because of our history of protests, conservatives think we’re a haven of sexual deviants and dangerous communists, and Donald Trump tweeted at us threatening to take away federal funds. Yet, we still manage to maintain stellar academics, conduct groundbreaking research and hold a strong reputation internationally. UCLA could only dream of being so multifaceted. 

Now that we’ve proven that UC Berkeley’s better than UCLA (the real No. 2 university), we’d like to take this moment to remind everyone that not only are we better than UCLA, but we’re also better than Stanfurd. Yeah, don’t think we forgot about you guys. Honestly, it’s tiresome to see UCLA try and rise above its true ranking, so we thought we’d remind you which school is actually the best in the west. So please, go eight-clap your way back to the ranking where you belong.

Contact Sunny Sichi at [email protected].

OCTOBER 18, 2018