Clog Report: Chancellor Christ, Oski named 2019 Met Gala hosts

Nishali Naik/Staff

The Met Gala. If those two words don’t ring a bell, we’re obliged to ask: Have you been living under a rock for the last 71 years? Or possibly hibernating? You really are Bears after all. It’s the social event of the year for any and all A-listers, and we at the Clog have received word that Ms. Wintour has finally announced her co-chairs, her right and left hands for all things Met Gala 2019 — Chancellor Christ and Oski.

An anonymous insider has sent word to the Clog that the newly named co-chairs’ first order of business is to relocate the event. Although the Met Gala is notoriously centered around the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, this year they reportedly wanted to shake things up like never before and move the event to UC Berkeley. Something about the West Coast being the best coast, perhaps?

Although the theme of the event of the year hasn’t been officially announced, rumors are swirling. A couple of these whispers in the wind include “Why being second is actually better than being first,” “Squirrels > Humans” and “Meme Queens.”

Without the museum, what art will be displayed for the guests, you ask? Fear not, tours of the unique and niche art of UC Berkeley will be led every hour by Ms. Wintour herself. Some stops on this once-in-a-lifetime viewing party include Dwinelle Hall to look at the graffiti in the bathroom stalls (a real sight to behold) and all the places where KiwiBots are on campus (the new moving versions of the “Mona Lisa”).

In the true spirit of the event, the guests this year are being asked to wear their finest design inspired by UC Berkeley student wear. We can only speculate what sorts of outfits are going to make their debut, but for now, we are bracing ourselves for quite a few predictable looks. We expect that the well-known gameday striped overalls and Anti Social Social Club T-shirts will grace the big screens, tastefully accessorized with Fjallraven Kanken backpacks and many Birkenstocks.

Now that you know all of the deets, be sure to take the whole seven months prior to the actual festivities to prepare. We here at the Clog heard from an insider source that invitations are being sent out within a few weeks, so don’t forget to check your UC Berkeley emails as obsessively as you do while waiting for your midterm grades to be uploaded! Not to worry though, if you don’t catch the invite this year, we have our very own sky full of stars (Nobel laureates) and access to the renowned Dwinelle bathroom stall artwork whenever your heart desires.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact McKenna Hathaway at [email protected].