It’s no secret that the AC Transit buses that run through Berkeley are rarely on time. You wait nervously on Bancroft Way for the 79, which is supposed to arrive in four minutes, so you can make it to your class that takes four minutes to get to and starts in 10 minutes (including Berkeley time). In the next 15 minutes, the 51B passes twice. The drivers even pause for you, but all you can do is shake your head and watch them drive off. Twice. We at the Clog feel your pain, so we know a thing or two about what you may feel like doing when the bus schedules don’t go your way.
Use telekinesis to transport the next-closest bus to you
If the bus won’t come to you, you’ll make it come to you. Just harness those UC Berkeley brain powers and bring that 36 to you, not in 30 minutes, but in three! Then, just hop on and pretend that nothing happened. Unfortunately, this may not be able to help you with the bus getting from your stop to where you need to get to on time.
Find a black hole that’ll take you to an alternate dimension where the buses always run on time
But we should mention that it may be a good 50 or more years into the future before we’re advanced enough to make it to the nearest black hole, which is a convenient 1,600 light years away from us. If you fear you’ll die of old age before you make it, then don’t worry, there will probably be a pill for that. But even if you manage to make it into a black hole, no one watching will ever see you fall in or know if you successfully made it to the other dimension. Looks like those on-time buses will be just for you! If you live, of course.
What harm could it do? Golden Bears help each other out, and you’re about to make the next driver you see an honorary one. At this point, you’re willing to throw “stranger danger” out the window and climb into the back of a 2003 Toyota Camry if it means they’ll be able to take you from your house on Northside to your class in Barrows. (But seriously, for your sake, just take an Uber)
Squat and cry
You’ve been at the bus stop for 40 minutes at this point, and the bus you need is nowhere in sight. You’ve even resorted to hopping on whichever bus comes next and then getting off at the stop after the one you should have gotten off at because the bus apparently turns right instead of going left. All that’s left to do now is squat next to the benches because they’re all full with people waiting for their own bus and to cry.
Don’t let the bus blues get you down. Sometimes all it takes is a little imagination and elbow grease.
Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected] .