All the ways the 76th Golden Globes were just like any other day at UC Berkeley

Paul Drinkwater/Courtesy

The 76th Golden Globes were last night, and considering it was a rather lackluster and mostly puzzling evening, it was pretty much just like any other day here at UC Berkeley. More confused than you were about “Bohemian Rhapsody,” a musical, winning best picture in the drama category and not the musical or comedy category? Allow us to explain.

Tears were shed 

From Glenn Close to Regina King to Sandra Oh and their inspiring speeches for their award-winning performances, these women really brought the house down — and by brought the house down, we mean there were so many tears shed in the ballroom at The Beverly Hilton that the building was basically flooded and was nearly overtaken by them. It’s like us in Moffitt, but without the inspirational part.

Political statements were made

From Christian Bale’s thank-you note to Satan for “giving me inspiration for this role” (he portrayed former vice president Dick Cheney) to Andy Samberg’s awkward and mildly shocking “Black Panther” joke during the award show’s opening monologue, the Golden Globes were just like any other day of hearing something that makes you think “yikes” to yourself as you walk by the steps of Sproul Hall or endure your dreaded 9 a.m. humanities discussion.

Several jokes fell flat

Some of Andy Samberg’s and Sandra Oh’s monologue jokes certainly landed with the crowd, not to mention that Jim-Carrey-hilariously-getting-kicked-out-of-the-film-section bit in the middle, but others seriously flopped (see above), like when your professor tries to crack a joke during lecture, and the whole class goes silent.

“Green Book”s were everywhere 

Just like during finals season in the school supplies section of GBC, (the) “Green Book” was everywhere last night (and not without some controversy). The film won big last night, taking home prizes for best musical or comedy, best supporting actor and best screenplay, much unlike what normally happens with our green books when our finals are graded.

Free, sponsored stuff was handed out 

The Fiji Water girl, who also happened to photo-bomb some of the biggest stars on the red carpet with her tray of water bottles, was like any other student promoting their club on Sproul. She was handing out free, sponsored stuff, and she also happened to be in everyone’s way.

There were A LOT of head-scratchers 

Some of the winners last night were so confusing that we might as well be taking an o-chem or CS 170 final. “A Star Is Born” was completely shut out except for its win for best original song, “Bohemian Rhapsody,” as mentioned earlier, won best picture in the drama category, and a show no one had ever heard of until last night, “The Kominsky Method,” took home the award for best comedy series. “Confusing” might be an understatement.

Someone was probably high 

And our guess was that it was Mr. Cecil B. DeMille himself, Jeff Bridges. The Dude really does abide (and so do we UC Berkeley students).

There was a surprise proposal

This wasn’t a real marriage proposal, like the one that hogged way too much of the spotlight at the 2018 Emmys, just Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph’s hilarious mockery of it. It’s kind of like when your professor announces that you have a pop quiz but then says “just kidding” because they think it will make for a great joke, only this one was actually funny.

Interesting and exciting fashion choices were made

Much like Oski’s fashion-forward look with a yellow cardigan and white gloves as well as the various experimentations in wearing blue and gold observed on football game days, the Golden Globes brought the bold in the fashion department, from Lady Gaga’s matching gown and hair to Timothée Chalamet’s bedazzled harness.

Well, there you have it. If you want to feel like you were really at the Golden Globes, just spending any ol’ day at UC Berkeley makes for a great substitute.