Clog Report: Spike of AirPods seen on campus may cause hike in tuition

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JANUARY 25, 2019

With the start of the spring semester, it was reported that the UC Board of Regents is creating a new plan to raise tuition for all students because of the increase in AirPods seen on campus.

UC spokesperson Teve Obs stated that the UC Board of Regents decided to raise tuition when it noticed more and more students wearing AirPods.

“Do you see all of the students with AirPods? Campus administration may be old and not in with the new trends, but we definitely know rich when we see it. By the looks of it, a majority of the student body can afford to pay a little more tuition. I mean, they have AirPods, don’t they?” Obs confided with Clog reporters.

Students showed concern with tuition hikes and began attaching strings to their AirPods in hopes of portraying wired earbuds. Many were seen on Sproul earlier handing out white strings to AirPod users passing by. With this initiative, students hope the UC Board of Regents will recognize that AirPods do not equate wealth, although it may portray it.

Campus senior Molly De expressed her frustration with the board’s decision to Clog reporters, adding that AirPods were “a ridiculous way” to determine the cost of tuition.

“Why are they going to punish the whole school just because some people are trying to flex on their classmates?” De told the Clog.

As of press time, Obs had stated that they had noticed the appearance of wired earbuds on campus and will reconsider whether students can afford an increase in tuition.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

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JANUARY 25, 2019