The season of love is upon us, so get ready to get cuffed (if you haven’t already in the three months cuffing season has been in session)! But wait — does your crush even like you back? It’s normal to feel doubtful about your sexual prowess. That’s why we at the Clog will be your V-Day love doctors and bust those myths that are holding you back!
They make heart eyes at you like a KiwiBot would
If your crush’s eyes physically turn into hearts whenever you walk by them, they definitely like you back. It’s a natural instinct bestowed upon every living being at UC Berkeley, from KiwiBots to the student in the front row who won’t stop asking questions to that squirrel that’s been eyeing your turkey wrap. They don’t even have to be looking at you, it’ll just happen.
They avoid you at all costs
Your crush making a full 180-degree turn and heading the other way the moment they spot you is a good sign, trust us! Even if they go out of their way to make sure they don’t have to interact with you, like taking a 20-minute detour from Wheeler to Dwinelle from Northside or willingly walking through Sproul if it means they can avoid you just shows how great their love is for you! They’re obviously shy and don’t want to risk embarrassing themselves in front of you! It’s all out of love and care. They’d probably like best to watch you from afar.
They stare into your eyes for more than 12 seconds at a time
It’s a well-known fact that staring into someone’s eyes for more than six seconds means that they’re in love with you. But that’s a scale that chumps use. If your crush is serious about you, they’ll lovingly and unwaveringly stare into your soul for 12 or more seconds. They’ll unlock all your deepest, darkest secrets in the process, which of course, just makes the everlasting bond between the two of you stronger!
They giggle like a five-year-old girl every time they see you
Does your crush put their hand over their mouth and titter every time they see you? No, they’re not laughing at the fact that you look like a fool waving at them when they weren’t waving at you. They’re laughing because they like you! Just the mere image of you strikes joy into their heart. They know you’re a keeper.
They constantly tease you about your many flaws
“Haha, wow, you only have a 0.6 GPA? Haha, guess you can kiss grad school goodbye!” “Oh hey, I noticed you got a haircut! Hope you fired that stylist, haha!” “Do you seriously get winded when walking up the hill to Stanley? Haha, that’s so sad!” Your crush poking fun at the imperfections that make you who you are obviously means they like you. They’re trying to prove to you that your large number of shortcomings are a-OK! What a sweetie.
They’re always seen with their other love interest on their arm
Is your crush always seen with that one person they can never seem to separate themselves from? Do they look so incredibly in love with that person? Do they often participate in PDA with that person? That means that they like you! Just take the information and go with it.
If all the signs match up, don’t hesitate to ask your crush out with an elaborate display of fireworks and a 40-goat dowry. So what if your crush never looks your way? Go get them anyways! Best of luck, and don’t screw it up!