Ah yes, the enchanting allure of Evans. Not. “Why does everyone hate Evans?” an innocent Reddit user recently queried. They apparently “feel the same but can’t put (their) finger on why.” Well, it’s a big, nasty stew composed of many things, friend. We at the Clog will try our best to guide you on your journey to enlightenment.
Evans Hall, or as some like to call it, “Sad,” is a large, gray block located on Northside. If that isn’t already unappealing to you, we don’t know how to help you. The fact that it’s on Northside already turns swarms of students off, namely those who live on Southside, which is a large chunk of the student population. It’s the ultimate pain in the butt to climb up to the north end of campus, only to be met by the brutalistic building that houses the pain and suffering also known as “math.” Stanley, Campbell and Hearst Mining don’t look nearly as unwelcoming. In fact, one could even say they’re quite nice to look at. Why Evans can’t mimic its beautiful brethren, we don’t know. Evans sticks out like a sore thumb, and we’re disappointed to say that it’s ugly on the inside as well.
The labyrinth-style floor plan makes getting lost exceptionally easy, which isn’t appreciated by most students who ran up three hills and still find themselves late to class. The stairs are nowhere near the elevators, and you look like a damn fool trying to figure out whether you should climb the stairs to the fourth floor or take the elevator to the tenth so you never have to navigate Evans ever again. As one Reddit user fittingly put it, “When I ride the elevator, it feels like I’m going to die.” And the icing on the cake — there are no windows in most of the classrooms where students are taught (since classes like math discussions are mainly on the lower floors of Evans).
To finish off why Evans is the literal manifestation of hell, many students associate it with their own personal hells. Evans houses the advising department, the onboarding department and other administrative institutions. It forces you to think of your bleak future when you go wait in line for a person trained in education to tell you that your course in this school is based on decisions you yourself have to make, even though that’s why you went to them for help. It forces you to think of the (ugh) manual labor you’re going to have to do because you want to give your wallet and bank account an extra oomph.
Sure, Evans may have a nice view from the top, but until its own view changes, we’re going to have to take a hard pass.
Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected] .