We here at the Clog have a theory. You know that annoying kid in high school (named Kyle… no, just us?) who never failed to ask you what you got on the latest quiz in a way that thinly veiled, if not simply outright exposed, his true intentions: to inform you of his grade (which was most definitely an A). Our theory is that this annoying kid is the same one who has been plaguing you with the “What are your plans for spring break?” question of late. The reason they ask, of course, is they are jet-setting off to some tropical vay-cay. Typical Kyle. One thing is clear, though: You can’t tell them your real plans, which include your robe, hours of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and pints of Ben & Jerry’s. So, if you must front, you have come to the right place. Recreate these five photos to have even the savviest of social media moguls believing you were on the sand in Cabo — all from the comfort of your Snuggie. Fair warning: Your phone may combust into flames because of the sheer amount of cringeworthy content below!
Post: After I took a picture with that coconut, I had to throw it away because, turns out, I actually hate coconut water #PuraVida though!
Items needed to recreate: a wholesale coconut, your dad’s power drill and a sense of ~adventure~!
Post: Nothing screams “I’m carefree and fun” like a picture of you on someone’s shoulders praying you don’t fall off
We say one-up them. Grab your parents, siblings — heck, grab your grandma and grandpa and build a human pyramid, then let the timer on your photo booth do the rest. Get to cracking — this could be a real winner for you.
Post: Spring break is like … a lifestyle. Shaka brah, I’m like #hella chillax now!
Imagine: You. Colored zinc sunscreen smeared on your face. Sittin’ back in the picnic chair on your front lawn. A nice Slip ‘N Slide set up next to you for when you need to cool off. The dream.
Post: If I’m going to drop $12 on fruity drinks, then my followers must see each and every one
Order your favorite beverage of choice at Jamba Juice, or if we’re really ballin’ on a budget, hit up McDonalds. Then pour that baby right into a fancy glass, throw in your trusty umbrella straw and wallah! Mango Deck, here we come.
Post: I may have dragged my party gear to Cabo in my Louis Vuitton luggage but I swear I’m a #chill and #sporty gal and here’s me holding a surfboard to prove it
“I fill the tub up halfway then riding with my surfboard” – Queen B. Problem. Solved. Check. And. Mate.
So, yeah, we really don’t know what to say except take that, Kyle. Oh, and also: Go Bears.
Contact McKenna Hathaway at [email protected].