Clog Report: GSI holds section outside to appear cool only to immediately undo progress made with his students

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APRIL 03, 2019

The unusually warm weather had everyone acting a little more different than usual and Greg Mulford — a graduate student instructor, or GSI —  was no exception. It’s hard to say what triggered this change in behavior — perhaps it was his realization that he signed up to spend eight years inside stuffy classrooms. In a moment of inspiration, Mulford decided to hold his discussion outside.

“It was my way of showing my students that getting a PhD does not make you uncool,” Mulford remarked.

Mulford triumphantly led his sad, bewildered students out of the dark dungeon that is the basement of Evans Hall to Memorial Glade. Mulford even went so far as to put on a baseball cap “to appear trendy and relatable.”

Mulford thought that the discussion went very well and that he had finally earned that label of “cool GSI.” The students in his section, however, had mixed reviews about the event. Chrissy Strada commented, “I mean, sure, sitting on the Glade was nice, but literally anything is better than the Evans basement. It’s just hard to say when the standard is so low.” Another student, Chad Wurster, grunted that having discussion outside was “aight.”

There were multiple reports of sunburns and rashes developing from sitting on the grass — which calls into question Mulford’s decision to subject his students to the harsh reality of the outdoors.

Fellow GSI, Chloe Doe remarked, “Greg’s decision did not reflect GSIs as a whole, and we reject the notion of leading discussion sections in a certain manner in order to gain popularity among students.”

Other GSIs were more supportive of Mulford’s decision including notable “Hot GSI” Nathan Stanley. “You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to keep your clout as an above average GSI. Mad respect to Greg for this power move.”

Once Mulford established himself as a cool GSI, however, he made the worst decision any social-climbing GSI could possibly make. Immediately after his debut as a so-called “cool” GSI, he sent out a lengthy email informing his students they would be having an extra section tomorrow, by which time they would need to complete an additional 1,000 pages of reading and write a five-page reading response. It soon became clear that holding discussion outside ended up being all for nothing because according to his students, that email ruined any progress he thought he made.

Janice Haas remarked to a friend, “My GSI is the absolute wooooorst. The audacity of some people!” Following the email fiasco, Chad Wurster also decided that Mulford was in fact “not chill” after all.

We at the Clog look forward to seeing what shenanigans Mulford pulls next to establish his status as a cool GSI and what poor choices will inevitably ruin that progress.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Elena Cavender at 


APRIL 03, 2019