The Environmental Design Library, also known to students as Wurster (or if you’re feeling flirty, Wursty), is a staple of UC Berkeley campus life. Wurster has the reputation as the “Greek life library” due to its close proximity to Piedmont Avenue, but it’s much more than that. It’s the place where you unwillingly see someone you hooked up with and blink back tears when you can’t debug your code. Having spent countless hours there, we at the Clog have begun to see a pattern of the types of people who haunt those halls. It is our pleasure to share those observations with you!

The Walker

This character spends 99 percent of their time in motion. In a span of 20 minutes, they’re up and about at least five times. They can be seen doing countless activities from filling up their water bottle to chatting with someone sitting tables away from their seat, but there is one thing we have never seen them do: work. We at the Clog are convinced they only come to Wurster to check out the social scene (if you can even call it that).

The Local

This individual is essential to the Wurster experience. They are always there, and they seem to know everyone. Wurster is their playground. Whether it be right at opening or when “the library circulation desk has closed,” they’re there with their laptop open, and their hand ready to wave at whoever comes in next. We’re thankful for the local’s consistency — it makes us feel safe and secure.

The Talker

Usually found in pairs, talkers have the inability to shut up, despite the number of dirty looks shot at them. They spend their time in Wurster chatting away as if they are at Caffe Strada, rather than at a distinguished library for students of the No. 1 public university! However, we do appreciate the insanely personal details we can gather from these overheard conversations. There is nothing like the entertainment provided by someone else’s lack of self-awareness. The noisiness of the talker is only matched by the DJ…

The DJ

DJs are characterized by their loud and oblivious nature. They come in many breeds. One of our favorites is the person who accidentally plays their obnoxious rap music out loud. Another classic is the person whose phone ringer is not only just on, but on full volume and they seem to have no issue with it and let it ding and ding the entire time we’re actually trying to study. This particular type of DJ is particularly concerning to us because we haven’t had our ringer on since 2013. Lastly, there’s the most common form of the DJ — the one who doesn’t realize how loud the music coming out of their headphones is.

The Screen Queen

There’s a Screen Queen living in each and every one of us. We’ve all been one many a time. Screen Queens come to Wurster, set all their study materials out very nicely and then proceed to spend their entire time on their phone. They’ll eventually throw in the towel and pack up and leave, having achieved absolutely nothing.

BONUS: The Note Passer

This is more of a rare sighting at ol’ Wursty, but it must be addressed. This person passes notes as if we’re back in high school or middle school. All we have to say to this Wurster-goer is grow up! Just text the person sitting next to you. Everyone’s doing it.

There you have it! We can’t wait to see all these characters the next time we go to Wurster to start an essay the day before it’s due.