Welcome to National Library Week, the seven days of the year we are called on to celebrate the countless hours we spend within the walls of the library by (wait for the irony) going to the library. To be frank, there’s a less than one percent chance you’ll catch us celebrating this holiday, because you know what we at the Clog are down to celebrate instead? The newest season of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” that’s what. In fact, we may have even started watching the new season in a library on campus… oops. So, in the name of festivities we’ve decided to name a Kardashian-Jenner patron for each of the UC Berkeley libraries to give you something to really celebrate.
Doe Library: Kim Kardashian
Let’s face it, Doe Library is the most famous of all of the libraries and everyone wants a selfie with it. Did it get UC Berkeley famous… still unclear, but very possible? Strong Kim K vibes.
C. V. Starr East Asian Library: Kendall Jenner
A bit off the grid but also very underrated. This library’s stylish and modern décor and architecture give it a high fashion feel reminiscent of top model patron of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, Kendall Jenner.
VLSB: Kanye West
We’re not going to lie, this one’s a bit of a shot in the dark. But something tells us Kanye would like the big dinosaur. Kanye knows what’s up, just sayin’.
Environmental Design Library (Wurster): Scott Disick
We’re not sure of much these days but we are willing to bet our lives on the fact that “The Lord” would have unarguably been found in Wurster during his collegiate days. His Maserati, however, would be substituted for a skateboard and his diamond jewelry would be replaced by plastic beads. Try to tell us differently, we dare you.
Bancroft Library: Kris Jenner
The mom(ager) of all the other libraries. With records going back decades, if you need tea on anyone or anything, this one’s got you covered. All the other libraries are simply pawns of her kingdom.
Strada: Khloé Kardashian
Okay, okay. Strada isn’t technically a library, we know. But tell us you couldn’t see Khloé outside with her latte and laptop stickers.
Main Stacks: Tristan Thompson
Name someone who likes Main Stacks. Yeah, that’s what we thought. Sorry but definitely not sorry, Tristan.
Haas School of Business: Kylie Jenner
Whether she’s self-made or not, you have to admit she has mad business skills, so it’s only fitting that one of the world’s youngest billionaires can be found in the school of business.
Berkeley Law Library (Boalt Hall): Kourtney Kardashian
There’s some prestige found in the fact that if you’re an undergrad you have to sneak your way in to this one. And who knows the icy aloofness of prestige better than Kourtney? No one, that’s who.
So, when you’re inevitably in a library at some point during this very fine National Library Week, give a mental shoutout to its newly deemed Kardashian-Jenner patron. Maybe even dip out of the library early and watch an old episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” if you really want something to celebrate.
Contact McKenna Hathaway at [email protected].