While “Avengers: Endgame” tells you how Thanos is hopefully beaten in the MCU for good, we all know that any UC Berkeley student could do that job in a snap. From being able to survive nine midterms a semester to our secret superpower that is Oski, here’s why UC Berkeley students are more powerful than our favorite purple villain.
Thanos wouldn’t survive a UC Berkeley midterm, let alone a final.
Pictures this: Thanos stomping his way into Dwinelle, ready to punch the exam into submission like he did to the Hulk in the beginning of “Infinity War.” He flips the cover of the exam to read the first question and abruptly stops. Despite having defeated all of the Avengers and the Guardians of the Galaxy simultaneously, our villain falters at the face of a differential. Calculus needs no magical ax.
There’s no boba on Titan.
Boba is any UC Berkeley student’s unlimited energy source. The bubble tea that fuels our bodies and runs through our veins is a powerhouse, helping us evolve into our best selves. An advanced version of Erskine’s serum, we become stronger in both will and physique thanks to this simple beverage. The Mad Titan would crumble if facing one of us, blown away by the power of sugary pearls.
Any UC Berkeley student could drink Thanos under the table.
With the typical work hard, play hard attitude every UC Berkeley student holds, a keg of beer and good alcohol tolerance is all it would take to knock the Titan out and take the gauntlet off of his hand. Who needs Mantis and psychic powers when you can rely on a trusty vodka shot?
Thanos doesn’t have an Oski cheering him on.
Let’s be honest, the only reason most of us can get through any semester is that Oski has our backs — his wholesome encouragement making us feel like we belong. At the sight of our sheer willpower and the might of the Golden Bear, Thanos would quake in his boots.
UC Berkeley students don’t need to sacrifice everything to get stuff done.
No matter what comes our way, UC Berkeley students can do anything with their skills of time-management and balancing everything life at this campus throws our way. Unlike Thanos, we don’t need to sacrifice every person we hold dear simply to achieve our objective. We get it done, no matter the odds.
While the real “Endgame” probably won’t play out like this, we at the Clog know it’ll still be the movie of the year. Enjoy the movie, and #DontSpoilTheEndgame.
Contact Chandini Dialani at [email protected].