Reports have been made that UC Berkeley student Al Ergy has successfully been exempted from all of his finals by claiming he’s allergic to school. Ergy has been working toward this goal for the past three years, but has been unlucky in his endeavors until now.
According to Ergy, his “condition,” as he likes to call it, began when he was admitted to UC Berkeley as a freshman in 2016. In a public announcement to his professors, peers and people of the Berkeley community following his first semester, Ergy wrote, “My friends, I am deeply saddened to say that I am severely allergic to school. Every time I walk into a building, I am completely unable to stop itching myself and sneezing every two seconds. So the only thing I have to say at the moment is ‘Lol bye.’”
The Clog reached out to Ergy for comment.
He explained to us, “Whenever I walk into Evans, I break out in hives. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the building, it’s just me. Every fiber of my being wants me to leave that scary European sex dungeon kind of place. Actually yeah, there is something wrong with it. It’s ugly. So ugly it makes me break out. Screw Evans.”
Ergy also mentioned to us that when he walks into Dwinelle, he begins to uncontrollably sneeze, causing him to become even more disoriented than just being in Dwinelle alone. Unfortunately for Ergy, his allergies are not confined to just these two buildings. He experiences similar symptoms upon walking into VLSB, Stanley and even the RSF.
“Well, I wasn’t going to exercise anyways, so I never planned on going to the RSF,” Ergy noted. “But when I walked in there for one of my 13 finals, my eyes started watering and my nose started running profusely. Glad I never have to set foot in there again!”
With Ergy’s allergies getting worse each semester, he attempted one last-ditch effort to get out of his finals. His best friend, Ally Gray, said he walked into each of his professor’s office hours, pummeled through the thousands of students waiting in line, then proceeded to tell them he had the plague and threatened to sneeze in the professor’s coffee unless he was able to get out of his finals.
And it worked.
“He’s a damn legend now,” said freshman Tony Tony, who aspires to be the next Al Ergy.
Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected] .