First things first, we’d like to go on the record and say that this list most definitely has not been constructed from experience. Perhaps, though, the stress of finals has gotten to you, or perhaps you’ve just been listening to too much Adele. Either way, if you need a low-key place to let the waterworks flow (theoretically speaking, of course), then listen up, because we’ve searched high and low for the absolute most off-the-beaten-path, inconspicuous and obscure places to let your guard down without seeing any familiar faces.
10. On the AC Transit 51B bus. Keep it moving. Absolutely nothing to see here.
9. In the front of the lecture hall. Bonus points for weeping next to your professor. Who pays attention in class, anyway? (That dude who’s always on his laptop next to you’s Facebook distractions have your back, bud.)
8. On the elliptical at the RSF. Sweat? Tears? Unclear. Grind season, all day, every day.
7. Tag along at the back of a tour group. Even if you’re spotted, you’ll be confused for a prospective Bear.
6. In the middle of Sproul. Big bet that passersby will take your flyers out of pity.
5. In the middle of a protest. Objectively speaking, people will respect your #passion. Any luck, and you and your Kleenex pack may make national news.
4. In the very center of Channing Circle. Sit down and let those tears flow. Very low-key.
3. Hole-in-the-wall restaurants on Telegraph Avenue. Mezzo? Cream? We’ve heard no one goes there.
2. Send it up to the top of the Campanile: a cry with a view.
1. Rent a glass room in Moffitt, shut the door behind you, and let out your loudest scream. A surefire way to not only get your feels out, but probably also get security called on you. Win-win?
Okay, fine, we’ll admit it — we’ve all been there. No shame, blast that Adele and have a good cry — you probably deserve it.
Contact McKenna Hathaway at [email protected].