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What's up with all the evil doll movies out right now?

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"Annabelle: Creation" | Warner Bros. Entertainment


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JULY 01, 2019

There seem to be a lot of movies featuring evil dolls in theaters right now. In case you haven’t paid attention to what movies are in theaters, those movies are “Child’s Play,” “Annabelle Comes Home” and “Toy Story 4.” Though only the first two are horror movies, they all have an evil (or at least creepy) doll as the antagonist. With all of these movies out in theaters at roughly the same time, we at the Clog beg the question of why.

After extensive research, the Clog has come to a well-founded conclusion. All these movies are meant to be a warning, obviously hinting that the dolls and toys in our lives are most definitely evil. If you’re a college student staying in your childhood home over the summer, surrounded by your old toys, you’re at an even greater risk.

While this may seem like a stretch, there’s evidence that suggests that the conclusion is correct. All you have to do is examine the three evil doll films that are in theaters to discover the warning.

To start with, “Toy Story 4” may be the best indicator as to why your childhood toys may pose a threat. In the film (and the entire “Toy Story” series), toys are living beings who move around only when nobody notices. However, they get emotionally crushed when their children no longer play with them and become desperate beasts. There’s always a chance that they’ll snap and try to get you to play with them again. If you’re at your childhood home for the summer, it’s like rubbing in your toys’ faces that they’ll never be played with again. It could push them to a more aggressive strategy (like in the first “Toy Story”) to get what they want.

The other two films give other ways your toys could turn on you. There’s a chance one of your dolls or toys is possessed by a demon or spirit, like Annabelle. You can figure out if this is the case by examining how the evil is manifesting. If it seems like you’re haunted by something and the doll randomly moves around your house with no explanation, then chances are you have a haunted toy on your hands. Either shut it in a box ringed with salt and holy water so that its evil can’t escape, or give it to somebody you’d like to torment.

The toy could also have its programming make it murderous, like Chucky in the new film “Child’s Play.” In that case, the toy itself will be walking around and causing havoc, so it should be easy to recognize. If your toy seems to be turning evil to carry out its heinous agenda, destroy it immediately and wait for the product recall so you can get your money back.

No matter what toys are around you, keep a watchful eye out for any signs of evil. These films all coming out around the same time are undoubtedly a warning. Don’t disregard it. Also, consider playing with any of your old toys. It might keep them from getting too frustrated with you, and it just may save you.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Zachariah Nash at [email protected] .

JULY 01, 2019