Studying to find a lover: The Clog predicts your romanti-scope

Nishali Naik/Staff

“I can’t date a Capricorn, are you kidding? Our zodiac signs don’t align.” While some sell the fate of their romantic lives to the celestial bodies above, we at the Clog leave our romantic fates up to study locations. Please note that this isn’t scientifically proven; however, the facts continue to align time and time again. Below we’ve provided a romanti-scope based on the study spot you frequent. As the fall semester rapidly approaches, it might be useful to think about where you want to study. Perhaps you can be strategic about it — you just may find the love of your life. Do you want to fall in love with a frat star studying in Wurster this semester? Do you want to find yourself a tried-and-true Berkeley hippie studying on the Glade? The Clog’s here to be your wingman.

Main Stacks romanti-scope

You enjoy books, but the books don’t enjoy you — unless you’re locked away in Main Stacks. In order to keep a deep focus, you must descend into the depths of Main Stacks. The outside world is too curious; it’s hard for you to concentrate. Still, sometimes you find yourself moseying through the hundreds of aisles of books and reading about Chinese secret societies instead of focusing on course material. Too much interesting information, too little time. You’re too nerdy for your own good. Why do we wait until finals week to delve into this library? You begin studying in Main Stacks in week two. Those who study at Strada provide a breath of fresh, dreamy air for people like you!

Wurster romanti-scope

You choose to major in Greek life or business. Every semester, you solemnly swear to keep up with class material and readings, yet every semester, you fall behind before we reach day four. You’re always running into friends on campus and can easily be convinced to ditch Econ 100B for drinks and nachos at Raleigh’s. Ironically, you need a Raleigh’s studier to balance you out. You value the social scene of college over academics, even though you average a solid 3.0. Someone who studies at Raleigh’s will help you split your time wisely between sorority socials and frat yacht parties and useful study sessions.

Caffe Strada romanti-scope

You enjoy both late nights and early mornings. You average four hours of sleep per night during the week and 15 hours of sleep over the weekend. You’re often caught people-watching at Caffe Strada or gazing into the distance, stressing about applying to law school and your future. You arrive at Strada at 6 a.m. every morning and enjoy the company of old people and their fluffy dogs. You always talk about your career and growing up, but you’re also terrified of the future and want to stay #young, #wild and #free forever! You must find a Main Stacks studier who’ll keep your head focused on course material rather than LinkedIn and grad school applications.

Raleigh’s romanti-scope

Those who study at Raleigh’s are truly one of a kind and always on top of their school work. You conquer the school, social and sleep pyramid better than anyone else. In fact, you can even do school work and interact with people at the same time! You love stimulating environments and often arrange to meet your professors for coffee and talk about riveting topics. You’ll soon fall in love with a fun, quirky hippielike soul who studies on the Glade.

Memorial Glade romanti-scope

You can read a book while doing the downward dog. You’re a big fan of our Quidditch team and often join in when they’re doing broom drills. You love backpacking and nature and can’t stand being stuck inside on gorgeous days. You sometimes wonder: “What am I doing here? Why am I even at school when I could be climbing Mount Everest or meditating in a Tibetan monastery?” You’re a free spirit, and you don’t believe in monogamous relationships. You find the beauty in all kinds of studiers, so your next romance may come from anywhere. Keep your eyes open!

You may or may not find the love of your life, but who knows? At least you’ll have a good time. Our location-based horoscopes are aligned with your destiny, and all you have to do is go out and have some fun.

Contact Skylar Schoemig at [email protected].