An open letter to the peanut: You need to calm down

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Dear Peanut,

You come in all forms — crunchy, salty, smooth, sweet, powdered, whole; and a lot of people love you, making you a part of their daily lives.  You are a great nut, as far as they go, and definitely the most popular of them all. You’re renowned for your taste, but also your ability to drive someone into an allergic reaction. From Reese’s Pieces to pad thai, you overpower all my taste buds until I can’t taste anything but you, turning my chocolate to “Peanut’s Pieces” and my noodles to “peanut thai.”

You’re great, don’t get me wrong, but if there was one thing I wish you’d learn this year on the day dedicated to you, it would be to take a chill pill. Why do you feel the need to be everywhere I am? In every restaurant and every chocolate bar, I only see you. Why do you overpower the nut family as if it’s a kingdom?

What happened to hazelnuts and almonds? At least desserts are more interesting with their bitterness and chewy crunch. Why couldn’t it be pine nuts I see everywhere instead? They’re perfect in pesto, yet they don’t show up anywhere else. I wish you’d let the others have their time in the limelight.

Aren’t you tired of being everywhere all the time? Why did it end up being you and not macadamias? It’s as if someone just thought of mashing you up and putting you on bread like butter, and then “hey ho” you’re a celebrity. They did it to almonds and hazelnuts too, but no one cares about them unless there’s chocolate in there as well. It’s kind of unfair, don’t you think?

This isn’t meant to be hate mail. I think you’re great. I just think that your brethren deserve as much representation as you. That’s not so much to ask for, is it?

I get it, you’re super healthy — for most people. With the perfect balance of fats and protein to power a person through their day, it’s a pretty amazing combination. The thing is, so are your pals. Almonds have amazing amounts of nutritional value, while walnuts are rich in antioxidants, which reduces a person’s risk for cancer.

You see, I like you — I even admire you. I just don’t like your narcissistic tendency to overpower the nut market. So all I ask is that you tone it down and share the spotlight.

Regards,

A nut enthusiast

Contact Chandini Dialani at [email protected].