Go nuts! A power ranking of chocolate peanut butter candies

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In honor of National Peanut Day, we at the Clog thought we’d release a power ranking of chocolate peanut butter candies. Why? Well, the answer is simple. Here in America, we love to take things that are nutritious, fill them with sugar and tons of other chemicals that we can’t even pronounce, cover them in chocolate and call them a treat.

Reese’s
The king of chocolate peanut butter fusions, the Reese’s empire consists of peanut butter cups, Reese’s Pieces, Reese’s Puffs, Reese’s Eggs, Reese’s Sticks, Reece’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Dipped Pretzels and so much more. Reese’s are so special that they even have their own holiday — May 18, mark it on your calendars. Reese’s are god tier. If you’re a chocolate peanut butter candy company with your own breakfast cereal, you’re doing something right.

Peanut Butter M&M’s
Peanut Butter M&M’s are a great way to indulge in chocolate peanut butter goodness in moderation; of course, I’ve never known anyone to have just one M&M, maybe one handful. Moderation is for losers anyways — go all in or go home! Obesity or malnourishment! Those are your options. These M&M’s have a nice ratio of peanut butter to chocolate, leaving your palate appropriately enriched — so we recommend obesity. 

Justin’s
If you’ve ever found yourself wandering the aisles of Whole Foods at night, trying to be healthier, and made it to the checkout line, odds are you’ve seen a Justin’s brand nut butter cup. Justin’s earns a special place in this power ranking as it not only tastes great but is also an organic alternative to other chocolate peanut butter cups. Plus, it offers nut butter cups with dark chocolate, milk chocolate and white chocolate. If that’s not enough for you and you’re feeling especially pretentious or you have some sort of “peanut allergy,” they also have almond butter cups and cashew butter cups. Of course, this post is in honor of peanuts, not fake alternative nuts, so we’re going to move on.

Peanut Butter Twix
Despite its ambiguous and confusing advertising campaign regarding “left Twix” and “right Twix” factories in some sort of economic Cold War with each other, Twix is a solid peanut butter chocolate bar that packs a satisfying crunch. Is it the best? No, in fact, the default Twix has no peanuts — but it does have potential. After being discontinued and then recontinued, we at the Clog appreciate a good comeback story. We’re sure we’ll see Peanut Butter Twix up there in the comeback hall of fame along with Lindsay Lohan and Fetty Wap one day.

Snickers
While Snickers bars are good, they earn a lower ranking on this list since they’re really only topped with peanuts — making it more of a chocolate bar that just happens to have peanuts in it. That being said, Snickers are still good in their own right, but their peanut flavor gets lost somewhere between the chocolate, nougat and caramel that make up the bar. But at the end of the day, Snickers are one of the best selling candy bars in the entire world so we can respect their hustle.

Butterfinger
Butterfingers are a reject candy bar. They’re the ones you get on Halloween from some poor schmuck of a neighbor who means well but clearly doesn’t realize that nobody wants a Butterfinger. They’re messy and the chocolate practically peels off the peanut butter core — making them nothing more than glorified packaged peanut butter that’s probably been sitting on the shelves for too long. While its advertising campaign is “nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger,” you can actually have all of our Butterfingers. We don’t want them.

With so many different companies putting their own spin on this delicious combination, this guide will help you navigate the do’s and don’ts within the chocolate peanut butter game.

Contact Zachary Abuel-Saud at [email protected].