The Clog’s trusty anonymous sources have revealed to us that, inspired by the recent impeachment trials, the UC Board of Regents has voted to impeach Oski as UC Berkeley’s beloved mascot. While it’s no secret that Oski isn’t exactly well-received by all UC Berkeley students, this news still comes as a shocking blow to everything we know and love about the school.
Oski has been the mascot of UC Berkeley since before Chancellor Carol Christ was born. He’s the one consistent thing UC Berkeley students have looked to in order to ensure them that they’re still in this hellhole and haven’t yet woken up from the nightmare known as their time on campus.
We reached out to one student, who has been protesting on Upper Sproul Plaza for the past two weeks against Oski’s impeachment, for comment. He relayed to the Clog, “Oski is quintessential Berkeley! You can’t just take that away from us, he’s the only thing at this school that we can confidently say is uglier than the student body. If he’s gone, we’re all going to lose whatever sliver of self-esteem we have!”
The board disclosed various reasons as to why it has decided to impeach Oski. “He’s committed the highly treasonous crime of just being too damn creepy. He’s driving away potential donors and prospective students, and we consider that inconsistent with the goals of UC Berkeley. Sorry Oski, time to go.”
Plans have been discussed to replace Oski with Hello Kitty to make the mascot more bright and exciting to lure in more money and attempt to make the current students and faculty think that they’re living in a pink fluffy wonderland instead of Berkeley, Calif.
This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.
Contact Pooja Bale at [email protected] .