A spotter’s guide to UC Berkeley’s campus

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The fall semester’s in full swing, so it’s the perfect time to go spotting — but, not birds. We’re talking about the creatures that are more native to the UC Berkeley campus. To an untrained eye, it may not seem like there’s much to look at, but after going through this list, you’ll be able to spot even the rarest specimens. Here’s a spotter’s guide to the UC Berkeley campus.

Greedy squirrels

Keep your eye out for these brown rodents, especially if there’s food around. Their brown fur and bushy tails are obvious to even the untrained eye. Long exposure to campus has made these creatures used to and comfortable around humans. Some of these creatures might even attempt to steal your food right out from under your nose. You might even encounter a rare fat squirrel who has actually succeeded in getting food from students. If you do want to spot one of these, hang around areas on campus that sell food to students. 

Panicked studiers

This subset of students can be identified by the number of books and notes scattered around their person. Usually, these people can be spotted in one of the libraries as soon as midterm season hits, but you’re most likely to see one during RRR week. They are not to be confused with students who’ve collapsed on top of their various notes or in front of their computer at the library — those are the sleeping students, a relatively common variety. 

The tour group

These large groups of prospective students, parents and other curious people can be a common sight at certain spots on campus. These large herds, often led by a UC Berkeley student walking backward, can block paths or at least make it difficult to get past. This is the reason why it’s best to give these large herds a wide berth, as it will save you trouble. For those who wish to observe these species for longer periods, stay in the same spot on campus. Come to find out, you may learn what the herd leaders (also known as a “tour guide”) have to say about that area.

Student late to class

This is another subset of the student that’s a lot more difficult to observe than the panicked studier. Why is that, you ask? Well, it’s because these students only come out around 10 minutes or closer to the start of class and are always on the move. They can be identified by the backpack or schoolbag on their shoulders and lack of athletic clothes on their backs. Despite their appearance, they can still be found running or even sprinting to their destination. If you want to see these students in action, pick a spot on campus with a good view of the doors to a large lecture hall. That way, you’ll be able to see the late student running to and reaching their destination with incredible speed. 

Turkeys

These majestic birds come down from the Berkeley Hills and spend lots of time on the UC Berkeley campus. They have brown feathers, a bare head and long tail feathers. Usually, they can be found walking along the ground near Memorial Glade or in some other grassy or wooded area nearby. Sightings of them are rare, so always keep an eye out if you’re in those areas. 

Hopefully now you feel prepared to find all these specimens out in the wild on the UC Berkeley campus. Good luck on your spotting adventures and here’s to hoping you even find some undiscovered specimens in your search.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Zachariah Nash at [email protected] .