Clog Report: Harry Styles ends power outage with release of single ‘Lights Up’

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Last week was an emotional rollercoaster for UC Berkeley students because of the PG&E power outages and Harry Styles dropping new music. Students received a stream of emails that barely contained information on the status of classes being in session. Class was canceled Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, each with late notice beforehand. 

On Oct. 10, Styles released his first single in nearly two years titled “Lights Up.” Styles called out to listeners to “shine” and “step into the light.” It is no coincidence that power was restored to the UC Berkeley campus that same Thursday evening. Styles’ team tells us that the energy generated from people listening to his new single and watching the video on YouTube overrode PG&E’s main power switch, changing it from off to on. Unsurprisingly, the only individual powerful enough to stand up to PG&E was not Marc Fisher, vice chancellor of administration, but Harry Styles. 

PG&E official Elric Tricity commented, “Yeah, I saw that Harry released a new song and immediately listened. I knew he was talking directly to me. Wildfire prevention who? Lights Up!” 

Unfortunately for students eager for an even longer break from school and midterms, Styles’ single resulted in classes resuming Monday. One student, Claire Evans remarked, “Honestly, as bummed as I am that class is back in session, I think it’s really cool that Harry cares about my education. He’s such a feminist.” Other students weren’t as enthused as Evans.

“I just think that there are so many other issues that Harry could have spoken out about before this one, but I have to admit the music video is dope,” said Josh Sather. 

We reached out to Mr. Styles himself, but he was unable to comment on the matter. If only Styles was on UC Berkeley students’ side during the fires in 2018.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Elena Cavender at [email protected].