‘Queer Eye’ campus edition: The Fab 5 as UC Berkeley students

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The new season of Netflix’s “Queer Eye” — “Queer Eye: We’re in Japan!” — was released on Nov. 1, and we at the Clog have been unable to stop watching it ever since. In honor of this amazing show with its equally amazing cast, we have crafted descriptions for each member of the “Queer Eye” cast as if they were UC Berkeley students.

Jonathan Van Ness

As a UC Berkeley student, Jonathan would be the one person who shows up to class impeccably dressed and very awake, regardless of what time the class starts. He slides into his seat in the front row right as the professor starts talking and is sure to ask a question during every lecture, even if he doesn’t always appear to be paying attention. Because he’s tried out nearly every club on campus, he seems to know everyone. He stays faithful to his role on the cheer team, however. He can usually be seen studying and gossiping with his tight inner circle on the patio at the Free Speech Movement Café. He shows up to every social event ready to dance and immediately becomes the life of the party.

Tan France

Like Jonathan, Tan comes to class looking extremely put together, with the perfect outfit for every season and occasion. But unlike Jonathan, he sits near the back of the lecture and pays very careful attention to what the professor has to say. He knows Berkeley’s thrift stores like the back of his hand and will drop everything to help out a friend in a fashion crisis. He immediately became active in the student club ethiCAL Apparel, which creates and sells its own apparel and donates the money to nonprofits.

Antoni Porowski

Antoni was disgusted the second he stepped into Crossroads for the first time, and therefore has made it his mission during his time at UC Berkeley to reform the Cal Dining system. The club that he formed as part of this mission is currently negotiating contracts between local farms and Cal Dining to get more fresh, local and organic vegetables into the food. He takes his studies fairly seriously and can often be found at Caffè Strada. When he decides to have fun, he’s more likely to host a chill wine and cheese night with a few close friends at his apartment than to go out.

Karamo Brown

Karamo is all about creating a positive environment, in contrast to the competitive stress culture notorious to UC Berkeley. Maybe he was in your orientation group or maybe you had a discussion section with him a year ago, but he always remembers your name, says hi whenever he sees you and really seems to care when he asks you how you are. He is most definitely a residential assistant and cares deeply about all of his residents. He is a sociology major and takes his schoolwork seriously, but sees every challenging class or tough exam as a learning experience. 

Bobby Berk

Bobby is that one kid who found a way to rearrange his Unit 2 triple to feel extremely spacious without breaking any rules. No one knows how he did it. Because of this, his room is the hangout spot for his tight friend group that he made on his floor during the first week of school. Of course, he’s in the UC Berkeley College of Environmental Design. He works very well under pressure, so even if he hasn’t started a major project one day before the due date, he finds a way to get it done and still get some sleep.

Even though the Fab 5 have come a long way since their college days, we can still dream about what it would be like to attend school with them!

Contact Beatrice Aronson at [email protected].