7 fictional teens who would have our vote if they ran for president

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Gabriella Montez from “High School Musical”

  • Running mate: Taylor McKessie
  • Slogan: “This could be the start of something new.”

A law student at Stanford University and an all-around brainiac, Gabriella Montez is easily one of the top contenders for president in 2020. She’s smart, she’s introspective and most importantly, she actually has a working knowledge of science. And wouldn’t that be a treat? Maybe if we elect a STEM kid into office, something will actually be done about climate change.

Cameron Frye from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”

  • Running mate: Ferris Bueller
  • Slogan: “I want the heat.”

It might come as a surprise that Frye is leading this ticket instead of his more famous friend, but it’s time to give him a chance. He’s loyal and mature, and if his character arc has proven anything, it’s that he’s all about that growth mindset. Sure, maybe he’ll freak out every other month and punch a hole in the White House walls, but we’ve all been there before.

Any Noah Centineo character

  • Running mate: You.
  • Slogan: “What if we kissed at the voting booth … while you cast a ballot in my name?”

Noah Centineo can’t guarantee that you won’t fall in love with him, but he can guarantee that not a single interesting thing will happen if one of his characters becomes president. All news channels will be forced to stop reporting and instead start looping videos of surprise promposals. Of course, that means any existing problems will just be ignored for four years, so Centineo may not be the best fit after all … unless?

Holden Caulfield from “The Catcher in the Rye”

  • Running mate: He doesn’t need one.
  • Slogan: “All the other candidates are phonies.”

Now, objectively Holden Caulfield would not be a good fit for president — not in the slightest. Still, he may be worth a vote just for the chaos that would be his inaugural address. It would probably go a little something like this: “All of you are so g—— annoying. And stupid. I mean it! Who gives a crap about politics? I’m gonna go take a nap.”

Sasuke Uchiha from “Naruto”

  • Running mate: Suigetsu Hōzuki
  • Slogan: “Any regime that is predicated on genocide cannot be left standing. Violent overthrow is the only solution.”

If Naruto can become Hokage, then is it really such a shock that Sasuke could become the president? His opponents may charge him with being “a radical” and “prone to physically attacking his friends,” but that’s just fancy talk for a man who’s taking a stand. The bigger issue to look out for is when he inevitably changes his entire platform at the last minute and leaves his followers wondering, “Hey, does that count as a retcon?”

Starr Carter from “The Hate U Give”

  • Running mate: Maya Yang
  • Slogan: “The Hate U Give Little Infants F—- Everybody.”

A prominent activist by the age of 16 and probably the only legitimate contender in this list, Starr Carter is no stranger to using her voice for the greater good. If any fictional teenager could do some good on the national level, it would be Carter. After all, it’s about time we had a candidate with the boldness to address systemic issues, as well as the understanding and conscientiousness to do so properly.

Jennifer Check from “Jennifer’s Body”

  • Running mate: Anita “Needy” Lesnicki
  • Slogan: “I eat men.”

Nothing says “future president” more than a popular cheerleader with a dark secret. Running on a platform of female empowerment and demonic terror, Jennifer Check would be a symbol of hope to little girls across the country if elected president. That guy who bullied you in seventh grade? Let’s just say you won’t have to keep reluctantly liking his Facebook posts anymore. The Check administration will have your back, and probably your soul, too.

Contact Lauren Sheehan-Clark at [email protected]cal.org.